Seeking Alia

And They Lived Happily Ever After . . .

2010-05-09T16:29:00.005-05:00

I can still see the three of them walking down the corridor of Lambert International Airport. Scott had Alia in the Baby Bjorn with his mom walking next to them. After spending a month in Kazakhstan and taking three flights to get home, they both looked thinner and tired, but were smiling. It seemed like it took them an eternity to get to us. When they did, Scott stooped down for Luca to finally see and meet Alia. Luca said something wonderful and perfect, but I don’t remember what it was. I was filming them, but later found out the camera was not recording. Scott handed Alia to me and she promptly fell asleep. She slept in the car as we drove two hours home through the night and continued to sleep until the next morning when she woke up and we all climbed into our bed together.

Alia was finally home.

I wore my red beaded Mary Janes for the occasion because, for some reason I felt like Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz. It was the end of a journey in so many ways, but it was also the beginning of one. My subconscious rightly told me that I would encounter dark places with cackling green witches and flying monkeys on this new journey, but I would also have the help of friends who began as strangers along the way. And, it did get dark. Part of it was the post-adoption let-down . . . all the decisions, the paperwork, the waiting, the planning, the anticipation, the travel, the uncertainty, the excitement. And, then, screech, it is done. Another part was the transition from one child to two. And, the realities of taking care of a baby again. How soon one forgets the responsibilities! Is she eating? Is she eating the right things? And, the napping? Is the napping going okay? Is she getting enough mental stimulation? Is she socializing enough? Is she OKAY? But, this stuff . . . this stuff is dark “lite.”

What caused me so much anxiety and shame was the bonding and attachment process. Before Alia came home, I read and heard these words so often . . . in discussion groups, on blogs, in books, from the social worker. They seemed so abstract and I often thought, “What do these words really mean?” I have come to believe that they are adoption code words for learning to love and care deeply for each other. In all honesty, I wish people would use “love” instead of bonding and attachment. I know it would sound strange if someone asked an adoptive parent “how is the loving going?”, but it is so much more to the point that way.

Another significant word here is “process.” As a person, I am impatient with that word and believe I don’t need a “process” for anything. The irony is this belief is so much the opposite of what I actually need to accomplish anything. It takes me forever to do things . . . forever. So, I am all about process, but at the same time believe it is a weakness somehow.

So how did the learning to love and care deeply process go with Alia? S-L-O-W-L-Y. And, that was no reflection on her. I want to be clear about this. This is my fear about writing this . . . is that anyone reading this would think that there was something wrong with her, that I didn’t want her. This is not the case . . . in no uncertain terms, this is not the case.

The “slowly” part was tortuous for me. I hammered at myself mentally for months. I fretted. I was angry. I am the first one to tell someone else to go easy on herself - to forget about trying to attain unattainable perfection - but, I have difficulty letting up on myself. I wondered if we would ever see each other as mother and daughter. Oh my god. What if we never do?! was one of the refrains in my busy little mind.

Well, we have . . . we do. It took a lot more than clicking the heels of the red beaded shoes. Quite frankly, it took time most of all. The day in and day out living together, being there was the foundation to the strong relationship I have with my daughter today. It also took support from the most amazing friends (my own army of Tin Men, Lions and Scarecrows) I have in the adoption community who were kind enough to share their own experiences through blogs, emails and real life conversations as well Scott and Luca and the promise of a complete, loving and peaceful family.

When I come home from work or somewhere else, Alia runs to me, then to Scott excitedly saying, "Guy Guy - it's Mom. It's Mom Mom. It's Mommy!"

Yes, it is Alia . . . yes it is.

Mother's Day 2010

A recent random photo of our lovely Alia

Here ends this blog . . . we are living happily ever after. Alia has been sought. What next? Seeking a nicely renovated mid-century home? Seeking the Buddha? Stay tuned. Thanks to every one of you who has read, commented and provided other invaluable moral support on this journey in particular and the general life one as well. As Susan Serra would say, "You ROCK!"

The Monkey Spoon: A Tale of Why Scott Is Such a Great Dad

2009-06-18T09:27:00.006-05:00

Once upon a time, there was a little boy named Luca who, like his parents, liked to have things just so. This particular summer, he went to day camp at a place called Touch of Nature. He hiked and canoed and made things like bird feeders & bug jars. Every day he took his lunch of pasta or pizza, Diego yogurt, mango fruit leather and carrots (and sometimes celery he dipped in olive oil . . . odd, I know). He ate his yogurt with a very special plastic spoon. It was brown and the handle was in the shape of a monkey. One day, Luca was in a hurry to move on to the activity after lunch. In his haste, he left his special spoon behind and no one could find it.

The next morning, Luca cried to his mother about losing his special monkey spoon. "I can't find it! I will never get it back!" he sobbed. "I don't want that green plastic snake spoon!" he yelled. "I want the monkey spoon." Well, Luca's mother does not do morning all that well. She told him through clenched teeth to forget it. It was just a plastic spoon. Couldn't he ask the counselors at camp to look for it again? Until then he would have to use the snake or the whale spoon. This was no good for Luca-who-liked-everything-to-be-the-same. He cried real tears as he brushed his teeth and got dressed. His mother who does not do morning well tried to convince him to get over it again and again. It is a plastic spoon for god's sake.

In walked his father who remains calm and empathetic and does morning much better than his mother. His mother looked at his father and said, "I'm having a hard time being sympathetic. It's a plastic spoon." Luca continued to cry and protest. His father knelt down on the floor in front of the unhappy boy and said, "I'm sorry you lost your spoon. It's okay to be sad. You loved your brown monkey spoon. You miss it." Luca stopped crying and nodded his head. His father explained that when he was a boy he had a favorite dump truck that he took to the pool with him. And, one day he left the dump truck at the pool. Luca asked, "Did you get it back?" And the father who remains calm and empathetic and does morning much better than the mother said, "No. No one found it. But, you know what? I had other toys. I missed the dump truck. I was sad, but I felt better after a while." By this time the boy wasn't crying any more.

And, by this time the grouchy mother had torn apart the cabinets and found another brown plastic monkey spoon and everyone lived happily ever after thanks to the great father (and grouchy yet determined mother).

The end.

Happy Father's Day to one awesome Dad!

If My Kids Were Charts . . .

2009-06-08T13:48:00.008-05:00

. . . this is what they would look like. I realize that Alia and Luca are going to be different. Of course, they are. But, we are constantly amazed at exactly how different they are. Up until a few months ago, Luca was our only point of reference as far as children are concerned . . . nice, slow, methodical, even-keeled Luca. The boy who wakes up with a smile and goes to bed with a bigger smile. The boy who I could park on a nice soft quilt to play for, oh an hour or more, while I emptied out the dishwasher, paid a few bills and wrote a lecture. He is also the boy who at almost 6 has no interest in riding a bike or playing baseball or walking down the street unless begged.

Then we have our little brown-eyed, silky-haired whirling dervish. Alia's whole being pulsates with energy. Her main form of communication these days is screeching . . . brain-emptying screeching like I haven't heard . . . ever. She'll do it at Steak and Shake, the grocery store, the dinner table - any time the mood strikes her and for no discernible reason. And, once she gets going it takes her a while to stop. She sits on her soft little quilt for all of 2 seconds. She is soon rifling through every drawer and cabinet she can open - pulling out stray pairs of scissors, full containers of fish food with lids ajar, and sequins that she sticks in her mouth by the dozens. Alia will look at me with joy and glee one second then scrunch up her face in a fit of anger the next. The other night, Luca didn't want her to shred one of his drawings she had gotten a hold of. I took it away and she crawled her little 15 month-old butt over to Luca sitting on the couch and HIT him.

Scott and I regularly exchange looks of pure joy and utter fear over our sweet little, moxie-filled Alia.

Summer is in full swing around here. Luca completed kindergarten this past Friday. He has done an amazing job this year. We celebrated with a "do-whatever-you-want" day. It mostly entailed early snacks and TV and a little Dairy Queen for dessert. He is already in camp this week. I think it will be a lot harder to keep him entertained at home now that he has been in kindergarten all day. I want to spend some lazy summer days with him, but I also want to keep that mind of his occupied. I hope we can strike a balance this summer.

As most of you know, the life of a baby/toddler changes very little. I am still trying to figure out why life seems so crazy with such a predictable routine. Oh, yeah . . . see above. Alia is really thriving. At her 15 month check-up, we found out that she grew 3 inches in 3 months. She is 31 1/2" tall & really close to 23 lbs. She started walking last month. Crawling is still quicker and more convenient for her, but she chooses to walk more & more. She makes lots of noises . . . some words which seem to come and go. She really wants to be in on conversations and in close proximity to whoever happens to be around however, she is still generally guarded in new situations and around lots of people.

Alia continues to sleep and eat really well. She definitely does have preferences for certain foods on certain days . . . like one day she will inhale zucchini pasta and the next she will yell for something else. She is a huge fan of any kind of tropical fruit . . . pineapple, mangoes, bananas . . . which makes me smile because Kazakhstan could not be any less tropical.
Her latest project is growing all 8 of her back teeth at once! I guess once they are all in, we will be done for a while . . . thankfully.

Outside of the occasional physical violence, Luca and Alia get along really well. My heart really couldn't feel any fuller when I come across them playing on the floor of Luca's room. Alia's face lights up when Luca comes home from school and Luca is a kind and gentle big brother. I really could not ask for anything more.

A few random photos that I am including just because I like them.

A moment of repose

Luca has been taking LOTS of really interesting photos.

A snippet of Easter

Luca after our big storm (topic for another post)

This weekend Alia started grabbing a book and climbing into the chair and rocking. She also slides down the slide at the park on her own - at FIFTEEN months.

I am going to try to make a little time each week to read blogs and update our own. So, if you are still out there, I am making a commitment to this again! I appreciate all the reminders to update from Susan, Kim, Jen M. and Eileen.

We're back!

Same Time Last Year

2009-02-12T14:39:00.006-06:00

Hello, dear friends! I am afraid I have been cheating on you a bit. You see, there is this other online community that provides quick connections & instant gratification without a lot of thinking. Yes, blogging has been replaced by Facebook. FB fits in with my new harried, ADD lifestyle - a quick skim of the status reports . . . a few comments and an update of my own, then done! I do prefer blogging and reading blogs, but school has been kicking my butt this semester. I have a completely new prep (Art Criticism!) and another class that I had to do some work on at the beginning. And, we do have two children now you know . . .

And, they are why you are here right?

This morning I was thinking about what we were doing this time last year. Scrambling to get a new copy of Scott's doctor's license that's what. Alia was not even born yet. So many people have coincidences with the timing of their adoptions. For example, our housemates in Kokshetau - the little girl they adopted shares their oldest son's birthday. The only coincidence we have is our dossier was probably resubmitted to the Consulate around the day Alia was born.

This is the earliest photo we have of Alia - she may be around 2 months. The intense gaze has not changed.

Alia taking in the weather this past weekend.

What a year it has been! Alia has now been home for about 3 1/2 months. In fact we had our first post-placement visit last week. The social worker seemed surprised at where Alia is developmentally. I think she is right on track with most everything now. She is crawling on all fours instead of the "military crawl." She goes from crawling to sitting with no problem and is standing really well - even picking stuff up when she is standing. Alia has taken a few steps while she had one hand on the couch and the other on the coffee table. We had an early intervention evaluation done last month. I think now Alia is doing everything the physical therapist said she should be. Yesterday I was reading a book to her and I think she tried to say cat! She has also been saying, "Mama" and "Dada" pretty regularly although I am not sure if she is using those words to describe us.

Alia continues to eat and sleep really well. We are really so grateful for this because it seems like if they are doing these things they are content and then able to focus on the emotional attachment. There is no doubt that Alia is attached to us. She remains very reserved and wary of everyone but Scott, Luca and me.

I don't think I can call Alia a princess - maybe a "spunk-cess"? She is headstrong and tenacious and lets you know when she is unhappy that she is not getting her way. For example she loves to try to turn over on the changing table which is a few feet high. When we stop her and say "No" she yowls and cries in frustration and continues to try over and over. She also has this habit of swatting at the spoon while being fed and reacts the same way when told "no."

Hey! Wake Up!

My mom visited at the end of January. As you can see Alia is starting to get to know Grandma.

Hanging out playing with her basket of toys this morning.

So, what's going on? Everything and nothing!

It's All in the Hands

2009-01-04T16:33:00.006-06:00

Alia has been home for a little over 2 months now. I have written many a blog posts in my head over the last 2 months, but clearly have rarely sat down to actually write them. I am kind of an all or nothing type person. Even now, my thoughts are incredibly scattered . . . and I don't like scattered posts.

Life at home after the great Kazakhstan adventure is ruled by the little things . . . like Alia's hand resting on my arm. This seems REALLY minor I know. I mean of course she rests her hand on my arm, right? Well, not really - not until Christmas day. Until then, she generally kept her fists clenched. That's how we met her in the hospital - fists balled up near her ears almost perpetually (unless she was on her stomach where she used her hands to push up). And, it wasn't just her hands - it was her body. It was often "rigid" - I can't think of another word to describe her demeanor. She was not usually relaxed when I held her. She was like a little island all to herself.

I am sure her hands were stuck like that due to inactivity. I see photos of other kids from the Children's Hospital in Kokshetau and see the same thing. The balled fists became symbolic to me. Their opening - when she gently rested her hands on my shoulder and relaxed in my arms as I walked her down the stairs on Christmas morning - symbolized her opening up and trusting and understanding we are her family.

I also felt myself opening up more to Alia because I saw that she trusted me and has begun to understand that I am her mother. I feel less and less like her babysitter and more and more like her mother. I love going into her room when I hear that she is awake from her nap, picking her up and giving her kisses which she loves. I feel particularly bonded to her then.

And, so it goes. We all continue to get acquainted with our new lives.

Here are a few random photos:

Luca in the midst of present opening Christmas morning

Scott and Alia on Christmas morning.

Alia sporting some of those teeth she has been working on.

All this past year, Scott would say "There's going to be a baby in that chair with us soon" when we were having dinner. Here she is!

I love the earnest look on Alia's face in this one.

Christmas with Grandma Jean & Grandan

2008-12-19T15:54:00.002-06:00

Movies

I wanted to post, but don't have the time to write a proper one (too much time on Facebook . . . oh, and the holidays of course). Scott's mom came into town a few nights ago to give Christmas presents to us. I made this "movie" using Picasa - pretty cool, but I had problems uploading it to YouTube. I spent a few hours messing with that last night. I also love Picasa's touch-up tool . . . eliminate wrinkles and pimples in a flash!

There aren't a lot of photos of Alia because Luca was doing most of the gift opening while Alia looked on intently. It was pretty cute. Alia has had a very rough day or so. We think she has a tooth coming in that is really hurting her. Today, I thought I would take her for a long walk to the post office (it is 60 here). She cried the entire 50 minutes. It was like the night we went out to eat, but without the puking. There was gagging but no puking. I felt pretty inept. When Luca was that age and got upset, I nursed him . . . not an option now. Anyway, I hope that tooth comes through soon.

Thoughts for Thursday

2008-12-11T14:07:00.007-06:00

Are You a Non-Mom?: I realize Teleflora corrected itself, but I can't believe they called adoptive mothers "non-Moms" to begin with!

Thoughts on becoming a mother through adoption: Poignant commentary on the complexities of adoption.

Maybe the 2nd link explains the 1st link. What do you think?

Open Your Ear and Say AH

2008-12-09T21:35:00.004-06:00

Alia had her first encounter with the American healthcare system today. We went to the FACES clinic at Cardinal Glennon Children's Hospital in St. Louis. I have to admit that I have been worried about the visit. Alia seems perfectly healthy and ontrack developmentally. I didn't want anyone raining on our parade. Yet, there have been some things that we were concerned about.

Alia grabs her ear a lot. I have heard this can be from teething, which she is certainly good at (#5 is coming in as of today). She also pulls her hair HARD when she gets stressed. If I pulled my hair that hard I would cry. Sometimes she smiles. She also repetitively "head-butts" the mattress (and my chest) before she goes to sleep sometimes. We also weren't sure where she was developmentally. Luca hasn't been 9 months for quite some time and I don't remember a lot. I also don't think I should use him a barometer - I guess his development can be best described as asynchronous. He had great verbal & social skills, some of his motor skills lagged behind. He was also huge in size - often hitting 100th percentile for weight and 80th-90th for height. He is still big. I think he could use that head of his as a weapon.

Anyway, the good news is that Alia is tracking at about 12 months for her development. The only thing lagging behind is her verbal skills which are at 7 months. She is growing nicely - she is in roughly the 50% range (using American growth charts). She is almost 20 pounds. She was 18 when they were in Almaty and now she is about 19 1/2.

The bad news is she has an ear infection - both ears are red and fluid-filled. So, that explains the ear grabbing. It also may explain the verbal lag. She may not be able to hear so well. So, amoxicillin, here we come. I have zero experience with ear infections. Luca has never had one. I am not sure how we dodged that childhood bullet with him, but we did. I am amazed at how content she has been despite the raging ear infection. Maybe it is just her normal, but I have heard that ear infections can cause a lot of pain. You just wouldn't know it.

The hair pulling and head-butting are institutional behavior. The doctor suggested replacing the aggressive behavior with a gentle one. That never occurred to me, but makes perfect sense. So, no more hair pulling. Hair stroking - not pulling.

I won't mention the blood draw which still makes me dizzy to think about.

Oh Christmas Tree

I have to admit that I woke up on Sunday morning wondering how we would cut down a Christmas tree, get it home and decorate it within a day. Things seem to take a bit longer to do with 2. But, ye have little faith! We actually went to the Christmas tree farm where we discovered only 5' foot tall Christmas trees after squeezing on a trailer with 4 other families and being plopped in the middle of a field. We left the Christmas tree farm without a tree. Thankfully our high school band had a fundraiser and the perfect tree was right there. It took all of 5 minutes to pay for it and strap it to the top of the car. So, we went TWO places for a tree and decorated it all on Sunday.

In addition to all the ornaments we have collected and been given over the past 20 years, we hung some ornaments from Kazakhstan on our tree. All the while little Alia yelled with glee. Us too . . . us too.

Giving Thanks

2008-11-30T21:13:00.003-06:00

"If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, 'thank you,' that would suffice." - Meister Eckhart

A Tooth and a Cookie

2008-11-23T20:41:00.006-06:00

I have been searching for a quote by the artist Marcel Duchamp which is taped to my computer at school. No luck so far. Anyway, the gist of it is don't let your opinions or the opinions of others interfere with what you do.

Yesterday, I was reminded of the wisdom of this quote yet again.

A Tooth: Alia

When I think back on yesterday, it seems like Alia was whining all day. In reality, I doubt she was, but that was what it felt like. And, quite honestly and irrationally, I take the whining personally. Despite all I have read and thought about to prepare myself for the first few months home, I still feel unequipped to deal with these feelings of inadequacy and responsibility for Alia's occasional lack of contentedness. In brief, I take the whining personally. No - this is not wise . . . but this seems to be the reflex in that female brain of mine. It says - "Keep the peace. Keep everyone happy at all costs." I read part of this great book that explained this reflex. Historically, women's' survival depended on maintaining relationships, so typically we have this deep-seated need to do so.

So, I hear the whining and my mind ponders entirely too much. "She doesn't like me. She doesn't like it here. I am not doing a good job . . . " and so forth.

Well, guess what I found today? A big tooth coming in . . . one of her front ones. Do you think maybe that is part of the reason she was somewhat cranky yesterday? This is not to say that she is not still adjusting. She is. She will be. But, I do think that the tooth was hurting her.

A Cookie: Luca

Earlier in the week, Luca asked to play with a friend of his this weekend. I spoke with her mom yesterday morning and we made plans to go to a library program (featuring Sir Kwain - one of 200 knights living in the U.S.) in the afternoon, then go have dessert at a coffeehouse. Both Luca and I were excited about the outing. He was happy to be seeing his friend and her mom (who he likes at least as much as the friend) and I was glad to have some time with Luca and our friends. As I have written, he has been so great about Alia. We are trying to make sure he has some time with us and that everything does not revolve around his baby sister.

The library program was great. Luca and his friend sat in the front row listening to Sir Kwain tell crazy knight stories. They went up and knocked on his armor afterwards. They also decorated cardboard swords. Luca was so awesome. I think he was scared of the knight at first. I looked over at him and he was tearing up when Sir Kwain took his place, but then he realized it was safe and he was a good guy. Luca also did the craft enthusiastically, which he typically does not want to do.

All was good.

Then we went to Longbranch and things fell apart. I had no idea why which was scary for me. Luca went from having a good time to completely checking out. He would not do what I asked him to. He would not answer questions or speak intelligibly. He was obstinate and difficult . . . this behavior is pretty unusual for him and it came out of nowhere. I couldn't leave because we got a ride with our friends. So, I tried to reason with him as well as control the situation. This only seemed to make the behavior worse.

When we got in the car, my friend asked how he was doing in school . . . if he behaved like that there. She also said that it seemed like he didn't have any control over what he was doing - that he wasn't acting that way to get my goat. This worried me even more. When Luca started Pre-K, his teacher suggested to us that he had Asperger's Syndrome, which is a form of mild autism. He was tested and found out that wasn't the case, but I have lingering worries.

We got home and I asked him what was wrong - "I don't know," he said. By this time, I am feeling defeated and worried. Alia seemed upset. And now Luca had this strange meltdown . . .

Today he climbed in bed with us at his usual time - yes, around 5:30 a.m. For some reason, this is the time he reveals things to us . . . during the wee hours of the morning.

"Mom, I decided to act silly yesterday because I didn't get a cookie." Yes, of course . . . it was the cookie. When we ordered, he was indecisive. I could have even rushed him. He did not get the treat he wanted. Of course, that was it. He barely ate the mint brownie and hot chocolate that he said he wanted. Luca is serious about his treats. No, it's not autism or some inexplicable involuntary behavior . . . he was pissed because he didn't get a cookie.

All of this is so simple . . . cutting teeth, not getting a cookie. It is really very simple. Stop thinking so much.

P.S. Today is Alia's 9 month birthday! She will be 1 before we know it!

Coming Up on 4 Weeks

2008-11-17T10:40:00.006-06:00

Hanging with Dad wearing a sweater my friend Stacey knitted for her

How could that be?

Sorry for the lack of any significant post. Things are going well. Alia is settling in and seems more and more comfortable every day.

I love this photo of her on the plane sitting next to Grandma Jean

Sleeping
Alia is sleeping like a champ. It seems like that is the most common question I get from people - especially other moms. She did not get a lot of sleep on the flights over. They arrived home in the evening. Scott handed her over to me at the airport and she fell asleep almost immediately. She slept all the way home and through the night that first night. She usually sleeps from 8 to 8 with a morning nap (where she is right now) and an afternoon nap. Alia does seem to sleep a lot. Luca did too. I think he was well over 1 before he gave up his morning nap and continued to take an afternoon nap until this summer. But, Alia is also used to spending most of her time in a crib in a hospital where I am sure she did a lot of sleeping. I have also read that babies who are adopted are grieving their old life and overwelmed by their new to a degree, so they sleep to cope.

Yogurt on the first morning home wearing a really cute outfit from Aunt Nicole

Eating
Alia started regularly eating solids when she came home. I cannot believe how quickly she took to being fed with a spoon. She is even learning how to pick up her own food and put it in her mouth (with limited success, but she is getting there). Her pincer grasp is getting better and better.

Last night she ate lentil minestrone that had not been pureed. She easily gums most solids. She has also had kale potato frittata and whole green beans. I continue to be amazed that she doesn't shy away from different textures and seems to have no swallowing issues. She has about 3 bottles of formula a day as well. I am not sure what she weighs now - she was 18 lb while we were visiting her and 20 lb in Almaty. We have not been to the doctor yet. We have an appointment with our pediatrician and FACES adoption clinic in St. Louis next month.

Play
Alia has been clapping the last few days. It is so cute because she basically just hits the back of one hand with the palm of her other. But, she does it so earnestly. She sits on a play mat and sticks most toys in her mouth. She does seem to prefer this big stuffed spider she had with her in Kazakhstan. She also enjoys her exersaucer and Baby Einstein DVDs. Luca also loves these and picks out which one they watch together.

Scott is convinced she has book preferences - Boynton books are in, Jamberry is out.

We have taken some walks and she also likes to do housework with me strapped in the Baby Bjorn.

Grandpa Andy and Grandma Annetta holding Alia for the first time

Emotional Development
The first few weeks Alia was home she seemed anxious and pensive. Her happy babble disappeared and was replaced by a whine. I have to admit that was hard for me to cope with. She was home - I wanted her to be content. I know in my mind that of course she is going to be anxious. How could she not be? But, my heart still hurt for both of us.

Every day she becomes more and more comfortable with us. There are increasingly more smiles. The last week or so she has taken to yelling and squealing happily.

There have been some really difficult moments like this past Saturday night. My mom and stepfather were in town to see us, so Scott and I decided we would put Alia to bed and go out to celebrate our anniversary. Well, she wasn't completely asleep when we left and was basically up with my mom the whole time we were gone. Alia kept it together when she was with my mom, but she refused to go to sleep. When we got home, she just lost it. She was crying so hard that I was scared. She threw up several times because she was so upset. On top of this she has a cold. Anyway, we did not need a trip to the emergency room - which I thought about - in the end. We got her to settle down and go to sleep, but it was scary and traumatic. In retrospect, we should have made sure she was completely asleep when we left. I also realized she had a long day full of new people and stimulus and she was just completely overwelmed. Scott aptly described her state of mind as fragile. We are her constant source of security. When we aren't there she must feel like she is free falling through space with nothing to hang onto.

Overall, she seems to be doing pretty well. All of this is a process - creating bonds, deepening our love and attachment. I just have to remember that.

Big Brother
Luca has been amazing. He genuinely loves Alia and being a big brother. He remains his happy-go-lucky self. "Alia cute! Alia funny!" is a constant refrain of his. I asked him how he felt about Alia being home last night and he said "Good!, but I want to feed her more."

Since we decided not to take him to Kazakhstan with us, I was worried about how he would react when we dropped a little sister into his life. We talked about the adoption, but the physical presence of a growing pregnant belly wasn't there to remind him every day. He had been an only child for so long . . . I wondered how he would do sharing the spotlight. So far, so good.

Thanks for the emails checking on us. I plan to write back soon! Also I will add photos later - Scott has the camera right now.

First Week (or two) Home

2008-11-11T21:52:00.004-06:00

Brother & sister (note hand shoved in mouth = teething)

Going for a walk (and Alia thought she was going to escape the attack of the snowsuit here in America - nope)

Polenta anyone? Alia picked up eating solids like she has been doing it all her life. So far, she has had applesauce, Yo Baby yogurt (just like Leeza Serra), squash (a hard sell!), sweet potatoes (she has gotten in the habit of squealing every time she gets a spoonful), avocado, blue cheese polenta, roasted potatoes. Check out the tummy!

I will fill in the blanks later this week!

A New Beginning

2008-11-05T10:31:00.004-06:00

Alia and Luca on an historic election night

I can't think of a better event to take place during Alia's first week as a U.S. citizen. President-elect Barack Obama is living proof that the American Dream is alive and well. He and American voters have proven that anyone can succeed in this country regardless of race or ethnicity. This is the country I want to raise Alia and Luca in . . . this is the one. I haven't been able to say that for 8 years.

Pinch me again.

P.S. "First week home" post coming soon!

Shhhhhh . . .

2008-10-30T21:49:00.005-05:00

Alia is sleeping. This morning my whole body felt as if it was going to explode. Tonight, it is just my heart. Truly. As I stood next to Alia's crib and listened to Scott moving about the house, my heart felt like it expanded 10 times over.

Then, Luca stepped out of his room and asked me if Alia was sleeping. I said, "Yes, do you want to come in and see?" Yes . . . so he peeked in her crib and looked up at me and whispered, "Is she comfortable?" My heart then expanded 10 more times.

Pinch me.

Alia has Landed...in Chicago

2008-10-30T14:50:00.003-05:00

[Scott here]

We have arrived in the States! Alia became a U.S. citizen the moment our plane landed. I made sure to shake her hand and give her a big salute to commemorate the occasion!

We are sitting at Gate C4 right now waiting to catch the 4:15 flight to St. Louis, where we will find Angela and Luca waiting to welcome us home. Only a short trip to Carbondale, and our own beds!

Waiting . . .

2008-10-29T22:32:00.004-05:00

[Angela here]

I am anxious so I thought I would share my anxiety with you, dear blog readers.

I have checked arrival information for the Almaty-Frankfurt leg of the flight a few times. It is delayed by about 10 minutes. They only have an 1 hour 40 minute layover in Frankfurt. Scott is going to try to get one of those shuttles to take them to their gate - I would say grandma and baby qualify. I hope that Alia is serene Alia not freaked out Alia. I am sure they are all going to be exhausted regardless.

I still don't believe that they are finally coming home. I feel like I am preparing for a very special house guest. I just can't wrap my brain around the fact that Alia and Scott will be here, sleeping in their respective beds tomorrow night.

I spoke with Scott this morning and he sounded pretty worn out. He and his mom have been such troopers. I can't say that enough. I am so pround of them. Scott's mom Jean has never been outside of North America . . . and here she is spending 4 weeks in Kazakhstan.

Scott is an amazing father and husband. I know it has been hard for him to be away. He is most definitely a creature of habit. He has not complained once about being gone once. We miss him horribly.

I am rambling . . . full of nervous energy. I just can't think of anything else.

Coming Home...

2008-10-29T10:24:00.005-05:00

We have Alia’s visa! We can come home now!

Went to the U.S. Consulate this afternoon, along with two other WPA families. We paid our money, and went up to the window, signed a few papers, got Alia’s passport, birth certificate, and adoption certificate back, as well as a super-secret folder THAT MUST BE KEPT SEALED until we arrive in the U.S. We’re then supposed to hand it over to the Immigration folks. Took us about 30 minutes, and that was only because there were at least three other adoptive families in line ahead of us, in addition to all of us WPA folks.

Went back to the sisters’ office for an exit interview/debriefing. Kind of tough to finalize payments and listen to what I was being told about the papers Gulzhan was giving me because all of the women were trying to play with Alia, who was sitting in my lap the whole time. They were talking to her in Russian, squeezing her cheeks, fawning over her outfit, the whole bit. And she met all of the attention with a scowl. “I don’t know you people, and I don’t much care for your attempts to curry my favor through baby talk and peek-a-boo!”

Vitalii is due to pick us about in about two hours and take us to the airport. After that, we’ll be out of touch until late Thursday. So glad to be bringing Alia home with me to see Angela and meet Luca. Can’t wait to settle down for a while and get back to family life, complete with our daughter.

Open up and Say Ahhhhh.....

2008-10-28T11:55:00.006-05:00

[Scott here again]

Well, today we went to visit the International Clinic to get Alia's medical check-up for the Embassy. I'll admit that I was definitely not looking forward to this day. Alia is very suspicious of strangers to begin with, and does not much care to be held by anyone she does not know well, much less poked and prodded by some strange doctor. Needless to say, I was not looking forward to the visit.

We arrived a few minutes early for our appointment and were almost immediately taken by a nurse to get Alia’s weight and length. Alia didn’t much care for being placed on the scale or stretched out to get measured, but she calmed down quickly after they gave her back to me. We thought that she had been gaining weight, if the chubbiness of her cheeks is any guide, and that was confirmed today, as she weighed in at 18 ¼ pounds. When we weighed her in Kokshetau, she was close to 16 pounds, so she’s been doing well. She is also about 27 inches long. Both measurements are well within normal parameters.

The nurse then took us straight upstairs to see the doctor – a nice Kazakh or Russian woman. I’ve heard that the doctors at the Clinic come from all over the world, so I’m guessing that she could have been from elsewhere. I fully expected a lengthy exam with blood being drawn and shots. Well, the doctor looked in her ears, her nose, listened to her heart and lungs, and…that’s it! Nothing more! I was so stunned when she told us we could leave, I just gathered up Alia and away we went. No questions asked. We were in the Clinic for perhaps 20 minutes at the most. The visit was even shorter than I expected because I left without paying! No wonder it was so quick! Janara called from the Agency to tell us that we had forgotten to pay about 30 minutes later (I realized it once we got back to the apartment, but after Vitalii had left). Vitalii was gracious enough to come back to the apartment and offered to go pay the Clinic. So, I gave him the money and he went and took care of it for us. Later in the afternoon I went out for a walk and was just aimlessly wandering around town when I looked up and realized that I was right in front of the Clinic. I went in and apologized to them for the mistake earlier in the day and we all had a nice laugh.

We went out for dinner again tonight - this time to Govinda's a vegetarian restaurant operated by the Hari Krishna community in Almaty. When we lived in St. Louis, I loved to go to the Govinda's run by the Krishna's there, so I was excited to be trying out a Krishna vegetarian meal 8,000 miles away from the last one. I was not disappointed. The food was excellent and reasonably priced. I had a potato/cauliflower/cheese dish and mom had a potato spinach dish. We also had a couple of samosas and an order of fried bread stuffed with potatoes (noticing a theme here?). It was very nice to get out and enjoy a good meal. Alia sat quietly and played with (chewed on) her toys. She really does so well when we go out.

Tomorrow, we have an appointment at the Embassy at 3:00, and then...WE GET TO COME HOME! Our flight leaves Almaty at 2:35 Thursday morning, and the get into Carbondale late Thursday afternoon. Cannot wait!

Almaty at Last!

2008-10-27T13:34:00.007-05:00

[from Scott who is in Almaty with Alia & Jean, his mom]

Well, we all landed safely in Almaty Sunday night and got to the apartment fine, thanks to our driver, Vitalii. Alia was a real trooper. We started the day with a four hour car ride from Kokshetau to Astana on some roads that were in serious disrepair. They are doing some major construction on the main road from Astana to Kokshetau, and in a couple of years, it will be at least three lanes in each direction of brand new smooth highway. But, for now, you make do. Alia did well on the flight, but she hadn't had much sleep in the car and that caught up with her, and made for an unhappy baby for a bit, but she was able to sleep for a while on the plane. In all, I'm amazed at how well she handled everything - the long car ride, being around so many people in public, the flight, and not getting to bed until almost ten o'clock that night. She's resilient, that's for sure.

We are staying in a very nice two bedroom apartment in a high rise apartment complex (complete with elevator - thank you Altynbyaev Sisters!) about a two blocks South of the Children's Palace and only a few blocks from the Sisters' office. Vitalii took us straight to Janara's home last night to give her our paperwork so that she could get started on it. Then, after he dropped us off at the apartment, he took me to the Ram Store to buy groceries. It is right next to the sister's office and well within walking distance if we need to restock before we leave.

Today, Vitalii picked us up and we went to a photo shop and had Alia’s picture taken for her Visa, and then went over to the Sisters’ office to complete some paperwork. I have to admit that it was a little difficult to work with all of the women coming into the conference room to fawn over Alia. She’s a tough sell though. She is still very skeptical of anyone new getting too close to her, and will scowl at anyone trying to get her to smile or laugh. That’s still reserved for Mom and Dad.

This afternoon, while mom and Alia napped, Vitalii took me to the Tsum store. It doesn’t seem right to think of it as a single store. It’s like lots of little vendors in a big department store sized building. The first floor is all electronics and home appliances. Today was a holiday, so it may have been more crowded than normal, but it was amazing to watch all the people buying cell phones. There were cases and counters like you might find at a jewelers, packed with cell phones. And each of those counters was crowded with people clamoring to buy one.

The second floor is mostly clothes, and it was significantly less crowded. I headed up to the third floor, where you can buy everything from a crystal chandelier to hand woven wool rug, to a fermented milk container made from horse hide. I spent A LOT of time on the third floor buying souvenirs. I think I’m going to go back tomorrow!

This evening, we got adventurous and went out to the street corner and hailed a taxi to take us to dinner. I read that you can just stand on a street corner in Almaty and within a minute or two a cab will stop and take you anywhere you want to go in town for a couple of bucks. Well, I put my hand up, and some nice couple in a Mercedes pulled over, because they thought I was in some kind of distress, I suppose. After realizing that they were indeed not a taxi service, and I was not in need of assistance, they went on. We did finally hail a taxi and went to Mad Murphy’s Irish Pub, for a little familiar atmosphere and food. We had a very nice time, and it is reminiscent of pubs you would see back in the States, but you pay for that atmosphere. I had shared some of mom’s fries (very good), and had probably the most odd (imaginative?) vegetarian lasagna anywhere. After it was reheated (frozen solid in the middle), it wasn’t too bad, but it definitely would take some getting used to. Alia sat in the booth next to me and chewed on her bath book version of One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish, and responded not at all to the women at nearby tables who were trying to get her attention.

Tomorrow, we take Alia for her medical visit and shots, and then the Embassy on Wednesday afternoon. Our flight leaves Almaty at 2:30 in the morning on Thursday. We’ll try to take the tram up to Kok Tube, and I’ll probably do some walking around town in the next couple of days. Hope to update you soon.

Life Goes On

2008-10-23T14:02:00.012-05:00

This summer I read an excerpt from Elizabeth MacCracken's An Exact Replica of a Figment of My Imagination: A Memoir. I almost got down on my knees and thanked whoever it was that put that article into my hands. MacCracken's first son was stillborn. She captured what it is to live with neonatal loss like noone else I have encountered.

She wrote, simply, life goes on and so does death.

There is no handbook for life after the loss of babies. I know because I desparately tried to find it. The closest thing I came to was Joan Didion's The Year of Magical Thinking which is about the sudden death of the writer's husband and her daughter's sudden and seemingly inexplicable, grave illness. The "loss of children" books that I read never addressed continuing to live with the loss of such tiny children. One author wrote that people who experienced neonatal loss involving multiples had a whole slew of other issues she would not deal with in this particular book. So, I groped my way through grief, anger, rage, sadness, blame, shame, despair sometimes with grace, much of the time not. All the while I got up everyday and functioned - much of the time on autopilot - but I was functioning I assured myself. My internal voice often said, "I have always gotten out of bed! I have never stayed in bed depressed!"

But, I was doing some pretty nutty stuff . . .

. . . like drinking very little water. I used to drink lots of water. You know, because it is supposed to be really good for you. When I was in the hospital fighting the infection that took the lives of Hope, Meret and Annalisa, the nurses and doctor encouraged me to drink as much water as I could to keep the fever down and I am not sure what else. I drank gallons of water - no exaggeration. It was the only thing I felt I could control. It didn't work, so I boycot it now.

I have been hanging on to a giftcard that graduate students in Scott's department so generously chipped in to buy us once our pregnancy with triplets was public knowledge. I have had that card for 3 1/2 years. I have not known what to do with it. At one point I thought we would donate it to our Women's Center. At another I had the idea of buying books for our public library in their names. I even thought we could use it for our next child, but then thought that that would not be fair somehow.

All these seemed like perfectly okay ideas, but at the same time none of them felt right. And, that really has been the theme here. What does one do after three babies die anyway? A lot does not feel right. I received a flyer for a children's book drive today so I am back to buying books for book drive with the giftcard. At least I think I can actually do something with it now.

My dayplanner used to be the biggest I have ever seen - truly. Inside I had elaborate grids and calendars to plan out my weeks and months with multiple colored pens to keep track of my progress. My life was divided into sections a la Stephen Covey - Partner, Family Member, Lecturer - so that I always knew what had to be done. I all but burned that thing after the babies died. It just felt so pointless keeping track of all this minutia. I started to wing it. I skipped birthdays and stopped sending thank you cards (gratitude?! not so much). I didn't return emails or phone calls. I didn't clean the house. Stuff piled up. I cared but didn't at the same time.

There is more . . . I just can't think of all the ways this loss has been incorporated into the very fiber of my being. I guess by hanging on to all these habits, quirks and feelings I have been keeping the triplets present in our everyday life somehow. I tried to not let life go on - to grind my heels into the ground - because how could it?

What I was waiting for was someone to say was that death goes on. I didn't know that is what I needed to know until I read it. I did know that I was full of grief and self-blame and could not figure out where I could put it. There is a great song by Beck call Missing and one of the lines is "I can't believe these tears were mine. I'll give them to you to put away in a box." I think that's what I thought was going to allow life to go on - putting the deaths of Hope, Meret and Annalisa away in a box.

Here's the thing - the more I have tried to box everything up, the more life does not go on.

So, on this rainy October day, a week before Scott and Alia come home, I remember Hope, Meret and Annalisa . . . and not only their deaths, but their lives as well. There have been so many times throughout this process of adopting Alia when I have felt their little souls were there with us. And, for that I am grateful to them.

It's Officially Official

2008-10-21T13:29:00.005-05:00

First visit less than 2 months ago

Yesterday

Look at how Alia has changed! It brings tears to my eyes!

Scott has the papers to prove she is officially Alia Reinoehl Comparato. Touch down is only 9 days plus a few hours away - October 30th. Can . . . . not . . . . . wait!

Tick Tock

2008-10-18T07:02:00.013-05:00

[Scott here - Hi Everybody!]

Well, it's been a long wait, but it has now been 15 days since we went to court to adopt Alia. We haven't heard anything, so we have to take that as a good sign that no one has come forward to challenge the adoption and that Alia is now legally our daughter!

I apologize for not posting to the blog earlier but...well, I guess I'm just not as into keeping up on the blog as much as Angela. I apologize to some of our regular readers looking for an adoption-related blog fix, but hey, I've been changing diapers and fixing formula for two weeks!

Honestly, the last two weeks taking care of Alia have been wonderful. She's a tremendous little girl. It's amazing to see the progress she's made since we first met her at the Baby Hospital. When we first picked her up, her hands were just frozen, balled up, little fists. And her muscles were so atrophied it took an effort on our part to straighten her arms and legs. And she was silent - made not a sound. She just watched - watched us with an intensity you couldn't imagine from a 6 month old baby. The depth of her stare was striking, with her dark eyes following us wherever we moved around the room, studying every feature of our faces.

But within a few days, her muscles began to loosen up more and more as we did little stretching exercises with her. We brought in toys - stacking cups and a rattle - and she started to grasp them in her hands. And she started to talk. She'd coo and giggle when we'd play with her. She'd smile at us from the crib as we entered the room every day. The progress we saw in her was remarkable.

Now that we've had her here at the cottage with us the last two weeks, those changes have continued at a rapid pace. She now grabs onto everything! Trying to talk to Angela and Luca on Skype with Alia in my lap is a distinct challenge since Alia thinks that the usb cord to the headset is a toy to be played with, pulled on, and put in her mouth. Kind of hard to talk when a baby is trying to pull the receiver out of your hand, or slobbering on it.

Overall, her motor skills are developing really well. She's a strong kid! She can roll over without any trouble, and is trying her hardest to crawl. She just can't seem to get the timing down. She'll push with one leg, but she isn't lifting her belly up, so nothing happens. She does push with her arms, so she tends to move backwards. We have also been putting her in the walker for a little while each day (someone was kind enough to leave one here in the cottage along with A LOT of toys), and she is starting to discover that she can put some weight on her legs. Not pushing herself around yet, but I don't think it will be long. She also sits up on her own, which she could not do when we brought her home from the hospital. She just couldn't balance, but she's doing very well at it now.

And her vocal abilities have...improved, to put it mildly. She is babbling, cooing, gurgling, squeaking, and laughing all the time. However, having discovered her voice, she is also learning how to use it to get our attention when she wants something from us. She is certainly not shy about letting us know what she wants and when she wants it. I fear that this may be a pattern that will continue through her teen years.

My mom has been a tremendous help with Alia. I cannot say enough about how helpful and good natured she's been about everything. I guess 'smitten' would be the best way to describe how mom feels about Alia. It's very gratifying to see how happy she is for Angela and I, and how much she enjoys Alia. I'll post more about mom specifically in the future, but I'm very glad that she agreed to come along and help.

We'll be in Kokshetau another week, and then it's off to Almaty for medical exams and paperwork. I'll try to post more frequently over that time.

Meet Alia

2008-10-16T21:44:00.025-05:00

All of the above are from the first day we met Alia.

This was a common sight during the first week or so. Our last few days, she wasn't interested in naps anymore.

The big event during visits - kefir!

And, of course, there is reading - this is one of my favorite photos. Now you can see why Serena would be a good name for her as well.

Snuggling with Dad - another favorite activity

Laugh caught on camera! A miracle!

One of our family pictures for court - how could the judge say no?

He said yes! Last photo in the hospital - paka!

First (and last for a while) bath - not a happy baby!

I bought this outfit when we submitted our dossier. It is perfect for our little Alia . . . except she will probably grow out if it before she gets home!

Hanging around the cottage

Out for a walk

Paka. Next stop - HOME!

Completely Random Thoughts

2008-10-16T13:49:00.003-05:00

Photo from performance that Scott & Jean saw

I should be grading exams, but I have given up on that for today. Don't tell my students.

We are about 1 1/2 days away from the end of the 15 day appeal period. I am not sure when the final papers are signed - maybe Monday?

I have been having a hard time with Scott and Alia being gone. When I think of them, my heart literally aches. It doesn't matter when or where I am. They pop into my head and I just long for them. I was at Kohl's yesterday and I picked up an outfit for her. I am still kind of reticent about buying stuff for her, but her arrival home is becoming more and more real to me. I just got all choked up when I was looking at all those clothes and trying to decide what would look best on her (everything!).

All the while I am really enjoying my time with Luca! He is on a big Sid the Science Kid kick. It is a new show on PBS that he LOVES. Yesterday, the big event was looking at rolly polly bugs and centipedes with a magnifying glass. This morning he told me that was the best thing he ever did. Wow!

Things are still clicking along in Kokshetau. Our first set of roommates picked up their son last week and left on Tuesday, so Scott, Alia & Jean are on their own again. The other couple's interpreter took Scott and Jean out last night. Scott said it was pretty amazing - 1 1/2 hours of mostly Kazakh musical performances for 500 tenge. Can you imagine all the costumes and musical instruments? Luba, cleaning lady and babysitter extraordinaire, took care of Alia. Apparently Alia missed them. She was still awake when they got home an hour past her bedtime.

Here come the random thoughts . . .

I lost about 15 pounds since August. I got out some pants that had gotten too small and - viola - they fit. I am calling it the jet lag diet. I was never hungry because my body was not used to eating at 1 a.m. Heck, I think I burned extra calories because my body wasn't used to being AWAKE at 1 a.m.

Dealing with jet lag was the biggest surprise to me. Noone could have prepared me for how hard it was.

I know it is the 21st century, but I am still amazed that a person can get on multiple planes and wind up on the other side of the planet in a completely different world. It still seems like magic to me.

Tuesday was Scott and my 13th wedding anniversary! What a way to spend it . . . Luca and I had Chef Boyardee pizza to celebrate on Tuesday night. Scott loves Chef Boyardee (even took one to Kazakhstan - I bet they are saving it for a special night), so it is pretty fitting. Who would have thought that we would adopt a little girl from Kazakhstan 13 years ago. Wow! We are hoping that we can do something to celebrate together before the end of the year.

Last night we Skyped with Scott and Alia. It was time for her morning bottle, so she started to squirm and fuss. We hung up with them and Luca said, "Is Alia frustrated because her mom can't take care of her? I think she is." I said I don't know, but right at that moment she was probably frustrated because she was hungry. Then he said, "I think she is happy now because we can take care of her."

I cannot wait to see Luca with his little sister!

Mr. Mom & his Mom

2008-10-09T11:10:00.016-05:00

Here we are after court at the Children's Hospital

Just a little over 48 hours after Alia was named our daughter, I left Kokshetau to fly out of Astana early Monday morning. After 35 hours of travel, I arrived back in Carbondale Monday night. I was greeted by Luca, who was watching his favorite show Ninja Warrior, and my mom who has taken such good care of Luca both times we were gone.

Scott and his mom stayed in Kokshetau to take care of Alia and finish out the process. They are due back at the end of the month. This arrangement is not easy at all, but it is working. Why did we decide that I go home? We didn't think that we could ask Luca to go 4 more weeks without us. He has been great. He has been a trooper. My mom has taken good care of him, but it is still a lot for him to handle. His life has barely changed for the last 5 years and now we were gone for weeks, he has a new sister on the way and started kindergarten where he is learning in a completely different language. We thought he would benefit from some stability before Alia joins us at home.

I am also teaching 2 classes. It is hard to remember that sometimes :). I was so lucky to have a colleague and Graduate Assistant take over my classes during the last trip, but I felt I could not miss 4 more weeks of class (that would be half the semester!). Scott, however, is on sabbatical, so he does not have any classes this semester.

All is well at the cottage in Kokshetau. Scott, Jean and Alia are getting along well. Scott reports that she is a happy baby. She is sleeping and eating well. They went on their first walk today. He strapped her in the Baby Bjorn and they went and sat on one of the benches that lines a pedestrian walkway to the park. Apparently, she intently observed everything around her. This was the first time she spent any significant time outside.

I am not surprised that things are going well there. Scott has always been a hands-on dad. He gives Luca a bath and puts him to bed almost every night. He volunteers in his classroom at school. Scott takes him for outings and works outside with him every weekend. At school Luca was asked for an example of people working together and he responded by saying, "Washing the car with my dad." Scott has a great bond with Luca because of these things and much more. I am sure the same will be true of he and Alia. He is an excellent father and for that I am grateful.

I know you all are waiting patiently for a photo. We will post lots after the 15 day appeals period is over. We are so close and don't want to take any chances. Thanks for your patience. Believe me, I cannot wait for you to see her!

It's a GIRL!

2008-10-03T11:31:00.003-05:00

Sorry for the late post. BIG DAY! We had to go to court TWICE - 10:00 a.m. & 3 p.m. We may have had the most fastidious judge in the entire country of Kazakhstan. We really did not get put through the ringer - it was everyone else. Scott made his speech (BRAVO - his own kind of labor) and he was asked a few questions (when did we decide to adopt? why not adopt from the U.S.? when did we arrive in Kokshetau? when did we start visiting Alia? were we there every day?). I cried like a baby while I croaked out my few sentences.

Then the judge grilled the MOE representative (social worker?) and the doctor. The prosecutor couldn't have been more disinterested in all of this. He didn't ask us one question. The doctor did not have some paper the judge wanted. Our interpreter needed to present her actual English/interpreter diploma, not a copy. After all this, the judge said get the stuff and come back at 3. There was much rushing around the courthouse to try to figure out exactly what he wanted from the doctor. We waited in the cold, cold lobby wondering what the heck was happening. There was also some hope that we would not have to come back and could go straight to the hospital to pick up Alia as planned. No such luck.

We had to go back to the cottage without Alia. It was hard and I was really worried. I went upstairs and curled up in bed. We froze our tails off at the courthouse - the heat hasn't been turned on here yet. I could not get warm. I actually managed to sleep a bit. I felt numb inside and out.

We went back at 3. Everyone provided what the judge requested. He asked us about 3 times if there was anything else we wanted to add. I thought of flinging myself on the ground and begging him to grant our petition. But, that was probably not such a good idea. There was a new prosecutor this time and he was more disinterested than the morning one. People were visibly annoyed with the judge and his probing. Everyone said they supported the adoption and then the judge said he would be back in 10 minutes. 40 minutes later he returned. Thank goodness for our interpreter and the supremely nice court secretary. I was about to jump out of my skin. Apparently, he was drafting the 4 page decision in his office. When he returned, he read the entire statement.

He named us Alia's parents at the very end. Hooray!

We were rushed off to the hospital to pick her up (in Kokshetau, parents may take custody of the child during the 15 day appeal period). Everything happened so quickly because it was so late that we barely got pictures.

It still feels unreal to me after all the flights and our literal day in court. But, she is laying in a crib upstairs snoozing away. Alia is 15 days away from officially being our daughter. And, for that I am grateful.

Our Day in Court in the Fatherland of Apples

2008-09-30T10:24:00.005-05:00

We start our trek back to Kazakhstan tomorrow. This time we are taking all the things we need to take care of Alia in-country - blankets, more clothes, bottles, pacifiers. Also, Scott's mom is returning with us on this trip.

We are taking a donation box from Two Hearts for Hope (aren't Stacy & Kim awesome?!) and clothes from a family who planned to adopt from Kazakhstan, but then got pregnant. Their family had already started collecting donations, so they wanted them to go there. I also have additional clothes from friends. If I can't fit them, I will send those to Two Hearts.

Our hearing is on Friday morning. Please do whatever it is you do for us - pray, meditate, send good energy. We have a new judge, which is neither good nor bad . . . but it does add more uncertainty to an already uncertain process. Scott's speech is done, we have thought of answers to some questions the judge may ask . . . we are ready.

Please keep us in your thoughts this week. Thanks.

Home Away from Home

2008-09-26T09:12:00.007-05:00

We have been home for a little more than a week. Another AP wrote that coming home during the process makes it feel even more surreal. I completely agree. I can't really wrap my head around the fact that we were in Kazakhstan just LAST week and that there is a spritely little girl there waiting for us to come back to bring her home.

I don't have words to describe the jet-lag. I actually remember very little from this last week. Unfortunately, I do remember my class on Tuesday afternoon. I felt like I drank a bottle of vodka, swallowed a few sleeping pills, then tried to teach a class about women artists and the rise of the Academy in 18th century Europe. I had no recall . . . I couldn't find words . . . I couldn't comprehend questions . . . I was confused.

I also recall that I have experienced such emotional extremes - I can only guess that these are fueled by jet-lag as well as the rollercoaster that international adoption is. When we arrived home, I felt such immense relief. I couldn't stop picking up our 50 lb. boy and covering him with kisses. I reveled in the familiar, mundane sights of our home. I smiled at the things that drove me crazy just 3 weeks ago. I can't help but think of the scene from "It's a Wonderful Life" when George Bailey came home from seeing what the world would be without him. He grabbed the newell post as he was bounding up the stairs to greet his kids and the top came off in his hand. Instead of cursing it, he kissed it. I felt the same about the odds and ends and what I perceived to be imperfections about our house and its contents. All of these things and people make up a life that I love and missed.

Then over the weekend I felt sheer terror about getting back on all those planes - I don't love flying.

I soon got over that and moved on to this overwelming sense of gratitude - I was so grateful for Alia; for the opportunity to adopt this little girl; for all the support we have received from family & friends, real and virtual. Mixed in was being homesick for Kazakhstan! We were so ready to come back, but a few days later, I missed the simplicity of our life there, our housemates and, of course, our visits with Alia.

My outlook on life has changed greatly because of our stay in Kazakhstan. I am only beginning to understand the many ways how. I do know that I have found peace again in a most unlikely place. The fog of grief and despair from the last few years has finally lifted with the meeting of a little girl named Alia.

Onion Rings, Fries and a Shake

2008-09-19T09:36:00.003-05:00

4 hour car ride to Astana

+7 hours in a transit hotel

+5 1/2 hour flight from Astana to Frankfurt

+8 1/2 hour flight from Frainkfurt to Chicago

+40 minute flight from Chicago to St. Louis
+2 hour car ride to Carbondale

= Overjoyed to be HOME with our SON

When we arrived at O'Hare, we went straight to Johnny Rockets and ordered onion rings, french fries and a vanilla shake. It was greasy, fatty nirvana! So, we are here. It feels strange - like we were gone forever, yet we were just here. Luca - oh my goodness - Luca has grown inches and is thinking about new, amazing things. I am just so happy to be able to hug and kiss him. He has a 1/2 day of school today, so we are going to have pizza at our Co-op for lunch. Everything feels like such a treat - talking about pancakes with Luca, looking out the window at our backyard, Seattle's Best coffee, a shower, our bed, everything!

All the while, part of me is still back in Kazakhstan with Alia. One foot here, one foot there. Last night Luca said, "I want to see her here for real!" I do too . . . I do too.

I Think She Likes Us (Last Official Bonding Day!)

2008-09-15T05:22:00.004-05:00

Today was our last Official Bonding Visit! We are one step closer to bringing Alia home.

Dr. Natalia came to speak with us about Alia's development over the last few weeks as well as her health history today. Good thing I wrote that blog entry yesterday because I easily rattled off all the changes we have seen. Then she shared information about her birth parents, her birth and the first few months of her life.

Alia was asleep when the doctor and interpreter came in. She had an early bottle and there was much playing and giggling today, so she was sleeping hard in Scott's arms. As we talked, she woke up. The doctor spoke to her trying to get her to smile. Alia looked a little concerned and uneasy. She hunkered down close to Scott and laid her head on his chest. She carefully watched everyone, but did not crack a smile. I was thinking, "Alia, show Dr. Natalia how much fun you have been having with us! This is important! Smile - please."

Our visitors left and Scott said that Alia has never done that. If she is awake, she pushes off of your chest with her arms so she can look at the person holding her or the other person sitting on the cot. He said it was like she was scared and looking for comfort. AH HA! That's what kids look to their PARENTS for - reassurance and security.

She is bonding with us . . . she is.

Playtime! (Official Bonding Days 11, 12 & 13)

2008-09-14T04:47:00.011-05:00

Visits with Alia
Our first visits with Alia revolved around holding and feeding her. She smiled at us the first day we met her, but the only other activity that made her smile was lifting her in the air. Her arms and legs were stiff and curled up close to her body. She didn't even know to reach out and grab anything that was in front of her. The only thing she showed interest in was the books we read to her. Alia sat with a lot of assistance. One of us had to sit behind her and brace her on either side because if she was left to her own devices, she would tip over in no time. There wasn't a lot of "conversation" either - it was nonexistent actually.

Here we are a couple of weeks later and she grabs practically everything we put in front of her. For a while I thought that we were going to be the only family to come to Kazakhstan who found no use for the stacking cups. I took them with us one of the first days and she didn't so much as look at them. Instead the little boy who came to visit us a few times played with them. Now she grabs them - usually the smaller ones, but sometimes the large red one - and knocks over the towers that we set up over and over. I think Luca may like to build those towers for her. Today she did this while SHE SAT UP UNASSISTED. Yes, I realize that I wrote that she has a long way to go with her sitting skills in the last post. Perhaps she knew I wrote that and saw it as a challenge. She has gone from wobbling back & forth and falling over to sitting for a few minutes on her own in one day.

Yesterday, Alia also crawled a tiny bit. She is trying to get all the parts in the right places. She has gone beyond the swimming motion which keeps her in place to the beginnings of a military crawl. Her hand/eye coordination and motor skills are improving every day. She is turning book pages without any help. It is like she is discovering she has a body that can move. She puts her arms out on the air like the Karate Kid and pumps her legs vigorously. Scott does some simple exercises with her every day first thing. They appear to be making a huge difference.

Alia smiles easily. If we look at her from across the room and smile, she giggles and smiles back. She has gotten more and more vocal. Yesterday she emoted, laughed and gurgled practically the whole time.

Hygiene is not high on Alia's list :). Scott tried to clean her neck with a baby wipe yesterday and she went into a full blown cry. Bath time will be interesting. I don't think she has had a lot of them. The wipe is cold . . . that might be part of it.

I have read a lot about the rapid development that occurs when PAPs start visiting their kids, but it still seemed unreal to me. It is amazing to see this little girl begin to discover herself and respond to the world around her. I once told a friend that watching a child develop is similar to what happens with the patients in the movie Awakenings. Watching Alia these last few days has been like Awakenings fast forwarded.

Life in Kokshetau
A couple of days ago, our housemates and I walked to the Green Market to shop for a dinner party we had last night. Their interpreter and her family (husband, daughter & niece) joined us for dinner. We were very proud of ourselves for finding the Green Market, purchasing everything we needed and carrying about 15 pounds worth of produce, 3 pork chops (not for us!), 20 eggs in a sack, 3 loaves of bread and a small container of the best honey I have ever tasted home. Not many people here speak English that we have found. So, when any of us does anything like this - such as normal, everyday shopping - without incident, the feeling of accomplishment is amazing. Then we tell our interpreters and they smile at us like we are little children.

Our experience has been unusual in many ways - most significant is that we have housemates. We were here on our own for a week, which was nice, but I was starting to feel really isolated. We kept hearing that another family would be here and we wondered if we would get along. How would we share this space with another couple who are complete strangers? We have a large house, but it isn't that large - ~1200 square feet. There is only one full bath. Our bedrooms are right across the hall from one another. We also spend a lot of time here . . . and we didn't know who the heck these people are.

I think if we did know who they were I would have been even more worried. On paper we are about as different as night and day in all areas - politics, religion, you name it. Imagine McCain & Obama rooming together. In the unlikely event that our paths crossed in the States we all would have nodded and smiled politely and kept on walking.

But, guess what? We get along GREAT! I have not laughed so much in a long, long time. C & M are warm, funny (hilarious, actually), generous, kind and easy going. Our schedules work well together. They leave an hour before we do, so we all get enough time in the bathroom. All of us share food without worrying about who's eating or drinking what. We eat meals together - heck, we entertained together last night. We share our computers and Pepcid and vitamins. We both sneak in the occasional load of forbidden laundry. We talk endlessly about practically anything - kids, marriage, politics, religion, books, education, friends, family. All of this without a hint of animosity or trepidation.

I am very grateful for our housemates. I could not have picked two better people to share this experience with. I will really miss them when we go back home.

And, home . . . in just a few days we are headed back (4 hour car ride through the northern plains of Kazakhstan, 2 international flights and 1 domestic). I both intensely dread and look forward to going back home. How can that be?

P.S. Luca went to Chuck E. Cheese with his cousins and grandparents for the first time last night. While playing a driving video game, Chuck E. himself laid his hand on Luca's shoulder. Later Luca said, "Grandma, I don't want that mouse to touch me ever again" to my mom. So much for friendly, plush, oversized mice.

Turn the Page (Official Bonding Days 7, 8, 9 & 10)

2008-09-11T03:15:00.008-05:00

Visits with Alia
Alia continues to be her cheerful yet serene self. I had thought about the name Serena for her at one time. She certainly is that.

The hospital has allowed us to buy formula for her. I didn't even know this was an option, but am happy that she is able to get the extra vitamins and minerals. The nurses put the formula in the same bottles with the same nipples as the keffir. Keffir is thick, formula is not. It comes out way quicker than it used, but she sucks on the nipple with the same intensity. Half the time it sounds like she is drowning. Jennifer M had warned me about this a while ago and now I completely see what she meant. Her solution was to put some rice cereal in to thicken the formula. I am not sure if this is an option at this point, but we will have to try to remember this when she comes home.

Scott has been doing a series of exercises with Alia the last couple of days. She seems to enjoy her little work-out. As I wrote in the previous post, her legs and arms have gotten so much looser. She cannot sit without assistance, but seems to be getting closer to doing that. I do think we have a ways to go in that department.

Alia turns to look at us when we call her name. When Scott is reading to her, he asks her to turn the page and she consistently reaches out to try to do that. We came in one day and the nurses had put a rattle that we brought with us in her crib, so it is nice to know that she has something to play with while we are gone. We came in another day and the ball was in there as well. She easily grabs the rattle now.

As many of you know, these visits are generally more of the same every day. We are further limited by having visitations in an almost empty hospital room. We would love a change of venue at this point, but we still have a while to wait.

Luca wanted to know when Alia would be home. I said hopefully by Halloween. He asked what she would dress up as. I asked him if he could think of a small moon that orbits Jupiter or Saturn. He, of course, had to say, "Well, what about a small moon that revolves around Uranus." I said fine . . . what's a small moon that revolves around Uranus? His reply: Belinda. So, I said maybe Alia can dress up as Belinda. And what will Luca dress up as? Uranus, he replied. Can anyone out there make a Uranus and Belinda costume for me? Please?

Life in Kokshetau
We have internet! I guess that's really the big news here. Something unidentified happened to cause us to lose it. Scott shut everything down in a certain sequence this morning and - VOILA - communication is restored.

I missed talking to Luca. He and my mom tried to call while we were disconnected. They left a message on Skpe. Instead of disconnecting, Skype continued to record. So, I heard my mom and Luca talking and he said, "But I don't want to skip it. I don't want to skip talking to them. My stomach is getting all jumpy because we are skipping it." My chest still compresses and I get weepy when I think of the message. That was the hardest thing about our internet crisis. It's funny how I think I am going to miss so much by not checking my email for a couple of days, but then I check it and, look, things went on! The planet continued to spin.

In absence of the internet, I have done some other things like a bit of meditation. One can't have too much peace. I continue to read Eat, Pray, Love, which is actually a good book to read while traveling since it is a travelogue of sorts. Last night, I sat and talked to the other couple for a good while. Imagine - talking instead of typing :)!

We went out to eat at a restaurant called Pyramid Pizza a couple nights ago. Kazakh pizza is not too bad! I really did not know what to expect. We went with the other couple and their interpreter. It was nice to get out and blow off a little steam.

Most meals are eaten in however. This is a good time of day. We all have a beer or two. M and I cook something up while C & Scott work on the computers or talk. Then, we all sit down at our little kitchen table and share a meal and lots of stories. Afterward, C usually does the dishes and the rest of us go read or watch DVDs or just sit.

Our experiments in the kitchen continue to go well. We have made Lebanese lentils and rice with a cabbage salad (link is similar to what we did) and a roasted tomato & eggplant pasta with a green salad. These two dishes were completely improvised - we did not follow a written recipe. I am a recipe girl - I am LOST without a recipe, so this was pretty big for me. The pasta dish was simple, yet surprisingly good. We have also had vegetable soup.

All four of us go through about a can of Kracks a day, so don't think it is wholesome food 24/7. I really think they have Pringles beat.

Our interpreter took us to a book store after our visit today. We bought 5 books for Alia. Three are in Kazakh, Russian and English. They are about the seasons, animals and Kazakhstan. The other two are in Russian - one is Kazakh folk stories and the other is the Russian alphabet. Two of Scott's colleagues speak Russian, so we hope they can translate or come over and read the stories to Alia.

Scott continues to take his walks in the afternoon. He has gotten some great photos. I will leave you with one that demonstrates Kazakh ingenuity (yes, those are plastic water bottles linked together to serve as a downspout).

Technical Difficulties

2008-09-09T04:51:00.002-05:00

A quick note . . . we lost internet access and now our computer refuses to get itself online. OH MY GOODNESS - HOW FRUSTRATING!

Our visits with Alia continue to go well. They are allowing us to feed her formula! Admittedly, I have some reservations about formula, but have put those on hold. The goal here is vitamins, vitamins, vitamins!

She is turning book pages on command! Unbelievable. This has happened more than once. And, it seems most of the stiffness has gone away. She loves shaking and pumping those arms and legs. It is like she discovered she has limbs.

I look into those beautiful eyes of hers and lots of gears turning. Watch out Luca!

We continue to enjoy the company of the other couple here. What a godsend!

Crazy Limbs (Official Bonding Days 5 & 6)

2008-09-07T01:53:00.010-05:00

Visits with Alia
Two more days with our little imp - Scott has started to call her the Gnome of the Steppes.

Yesterday, Alia was pretty fussy and upset. She drank a little less than half her bottle. I must apologize for what I am about to write but it seems to be a simple equation of intake and out-take. The out-take wasn't happening. The delicate balance is upset, therefore, Alia was NOT happy. This is completely fine - we can handle it, but it is frustrating to not be able to do anything about it.

It is amazing how quickly poop becomes interesting and vital to us again.

Today, we arrived and our interpreter said that a nurse tried to give her the bottle before and she drank very little of it. Maybe there was something new in the bottle because it was the weekend - they could have run out of the usual "formula" our interpreter explained. It still stresses me out. The intake/out-take stresses me out - it did with Luca and now it is with Alia. Our interpreter says not to worry. On an intellectual level I know that I shouldn't worry - but on some sort of primal, emotional level I panic. Women's brains must be hardwired to respond this way . . . or I could be neurotic :).

Despite the small lunch today, she was very content. The last 2 days she has continued to work towards crawling by laying on her belly and flailing her arms and legs about - swimming without water. She also does this side push-up thing. Luca crawled later - 10 months - I don't remember any of the preliminary stuff. It seemed like he went from sitting to crawling with nothing in between. It is amazing to watch her experiment with these new movements.

Alia looks at us so intently. She holds our gaze for such a long time - studying . . . trying to figure us out, I guess.

Otherwise, lots more walking & holding, holding & swaying. I am surprised there isn't a path worn through the linoleum from all the walking back & forth that goes on in that little room. Alia usually naps for 1/2 hour or more while one of us holds her. She was pretty talkative today . . . giggly mostly. She opens her mouth wide and wrinkles her nose and makes this adorable "guh" noise in the back of her throat. Scott read her all 4 books we have today. She turned some of the pages on her own, which was great to see.

She was pretty upset when we laid her in her crib today.

Life in Kokshetau
The other family has arrived! It is nice to have some company and help get them acclimated. It has only been a few days, but I feel like I have known them for a lot longer. I guess that's what happens when you share a house in a country where you don't know the language - there are no preliminary niceties or reluctance.

We even made dinner together last night - I made more roasted vegetables and they made some tasty cabbage & mushroom dumplings.

It has been cold here the last 5 (or so?) days. I am just so surprised by how much the weather fluctuates this time of year. It was 80 when we arrived, in the 50s last week and now it is headed into the high 60s. I appreciate getting a taste of autumn early. It is my favorite season.

We didn't have water yesterday morning - this was our second "outage". Our poor roommates - days of travel and no shower available their first day here. It was only out until around 9 a.m., so I think we got lucky. The hospital still didn't have it when we left at 12:30. I assumed that they had some sort of back-up system, but that isn't the case. I do have a theory about why we haven't had water a couple times this week. I know it is a common occurrence, however this may be related to turning on the central water heating system. Like the heat, hot water is centralized. It is turned off for the summer. Some houses and apartments have boilers which heat the water. Lots of others don't, so many people go without hot water all summer long.

I have spent an absurd amount of time trying to set-up my Outlook to send and receive mail from my school account. It is just not working - I am not able to send. ARGHHH!

Here are some photos of Kokshetau:

exterior of a typical apartment building - almost all of them have the shallow porches for drying laundry

Scott was taking a picture of the massive apartment building but, I like the buses. The buses have CURTAINS - I love that!

Look on the right - massive above ground heat pipes line the streets and paths of Kokshetau.

Back in Carbondale
My stepfather visited my mom and Luca this weekend. They had an outing to the park and he sent me some photos on his Blackberry.

How is it that he looks so big?! I think he has grown 4 inches. He looks like a BOY not a toddler anymore. Sniff . . .
Grandma & Luca - the dynamic duo.

All is well at home. I really, really missed Luca when I saw these photos this morning. He really seems to be doing so well. I signed him up for a Saturday morning art class with his friend Isabelle, which was a big hit. We continue to have our morning (us)/evening (him) chats. I really know now that it was best for him to stay home. We can focus on Alia and he may gain a little more independence. Susan Serra keeps telling me that that is what we as parents want - independent children. And, she is right, but it is difficult letting go.

We are "over the hump" so to speak . . . we have been here 10 days and will be here 10 more.

She Speaks!: Official Bonding Days 3 & 4

2008-09-04T19:51:00.009-05:00

Visits with Alia
Yesterday, Alia revealed a bit of her personality. As expected it was adorable. She was having a little tummy time when she started to babble out of nowhere. She has made two types of noises so far - giggles and whines. This was different. She was telling us a very serious story complete with furrowed brow.

Up to this point, I have felt a little like a glorified babysitter who brings her own supplies (diapers & clothes) to the job. I know I can love this child. I knew it from the first day, but I haven't really had an inkling about who she is. Yesterday, after a week, I felt the beginnings of emotional attachment. I realize that attachment and bonding is a long process, but it is reassuring to feel a bond starting to form. And, this was sparked by Alia "speaking" to us.

It really was a banner day - the babble as well as grabbing a ball and rocking on her tummy like she wants to crawl. She seems pretty fascinated by the ball - maybe because of the contrasting colors. And, again while on her tummy, she seemed to try to propel herself forward. She does a great job pushing up with her hands, however her legs seem like jelly.

Today it is cooler and overcast - a soup day . . . a tea day. The visit matched - mellow and calm. Alia is quicker to smile everyday we see her. She had already had her bottle, so she was in a fine mood when we arrived. We tried to interest her in toys for a while - not really having any of that though. Scott and I took turns walking her back & forth and swaying in our little room. She did this maneuver in which she grabbed Scott's nose and sucked her thumb at the same time - that's talent :). I discovered that Alia really likes it when I touch her cheek lightly with my nose. She made some different sounds . . . squeals of delight. These sounds . . . oh these sounds - somehow they connect straight to my heart. After a long bout of the hiccups, she fell asleep for a long, long time - lots of heavy breathing, baby snores (everything babies do is cute!), and heavy sighs.

I get a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach when I think about leaving her for 3 weeks or so. That won't happen for a few weeks, but it seems cruel.

We spoke with the doctor at the Baby Hospital yesterday. She went over Alia's birth and health history with us. She really is very healthy. The doctor reported some bronchitis as well as some typical post-Soviet diagnoses. We did run most everything by our international adoption doctor (Dr. Davies - we love him!) and all is well. We had decided when we got here that it didn't really matter what the doctors said. We knew we wanted to adopt Alia regardless. However, it is good to know if there is anything we need to begin researching or planning for.

Random Adoption Stuff
We changed our flight to leave from Astana instead of Almaty. That way, we will have a car ride and 3 flights rather than a car ride and 4 flights (and a night in Almaty). Somehow this makes me so very happy. Our trip here was smooth, but it was still a lot! I am pleased to not get on and off one more airplane.

I wish I would have brought some undershirt type onesies. Not sure what I was thinking - we have about 1000 of those at home. I have some 2 piece outfits which really need an undershirt underneath to keep her completely covered. One morning a group of nurses came in to check on Alia while we were still there and her stomach was exposed. One of them pulled down her shirt and said something to me - I stood there smiling & shrugging my shoulders like a non-Russian speaking idiot.

Life in Kokshetau
Our mornings are pretty full - we talk to Luca, check emails, blogs. Today I chatted with Susan Serra, who should be celebrating Leeza's birthday about now. We are picked up around 10 for our visit, then we return to the cottage around 12:30. Sometimes we run errands after our visit, but others we come back here and eat lunch. I usually blog and Scott reads. He has been going for long walks in the later afternoon. I may go today - somehow I am always doing something.

I make dinner - last night it was pasta with jarred pasta sauce. I didn't love the sauce and I wish I could tell you why. It was more like eating thinned out tomato paste. I tried to doctor it up with sauteed onions, garlic & chiles, but it didn't seem to help. I am thinking fried eggs and potatoes tonight. I could try a tortilla espanola! As I wrote to my friend this morning - Kazakhstan is doing a lot to minimize my girthsome backside (dictionary.com does not recognize girthsome as an official word, but I really like it!).

Bordello style

I could write a lot about our "wackydoodle" house. The more I look, the crazier it is. There are 4 doors upstairs - one opens out, the others open in. The bathrooms have mazes of pipes running the perimeters. Things are built around the pipes - like our shower that we walk up a hefty step to get to. The tile work is interesting . . . some screws at some intersections, none at others. Some faucets have hot water on the right, others don't. And, the light fixtures - most of you know about the fanciful light fixtures - a different one in each room. I have dubbed ours the Art Nouveau room. The fixture in the living room is the Bordello one. All the light switches are outside of the room which makes perfect sense to us . . . the light is on BEFORE you enter the room.

According to Luba, we will be joined by another American family today. There was much gesticulating and pointing in the Russian-English dictionary to figure that out.

We will have company!

And, Kim, you didn't have to suffer through any RNC news this morning! Happy Friday!

I've Got Your Nose (Official Bonding Day 2)

2008-09-03T03:40:00.013-05:00

Visit with Alia
There is a window in the kitchen that looks out to the spot where our driver picks us up in the morning. The sheer on the left side is stretched. I think of the people who stayed here before us doing the exact same thing we do - checking every 2 minutes for the driver who will take us to visit the child we hope to adopt some day soon.

When we arrived today, Alia was asleep on her tummy and a rattle we left in the cabinet was in her crib. She woke up immediately and looked perplexed for a minute or so, then we were rewarded with a smile of recognition.

We did more of the same today. We carried her around for a while first thing instead of going into undress and massage mode. This seemed to relax her a lot more - no heavy breathing and no desperate looks for the bottle. I tried to just hold her today. We did some reading though. She continues to grab for things like books, Scott's nose and Wedgina. She also held her bottle today!

I try to imagine what she has been doing until she met us. I doubt that there has been a lot of variation (I don't think she has ever been outside). I try to imagine being in a vacuum for months, then experiencing so many new sights, sounds, feelings and textures. It has to feel overwhelming.

All that said, she seemed more relaxed today. She didn't crazily scarf down her bottle - she took breaks and looked to see what was going on around her.

Life in Kokshetau

Lunch - look a mayo & veggie salad

We haven't done much else today. After our visit, we went to the Next Store to use the ATM with our interpreter. She didn't even know there was one there . . . I don't think she believed me until she saw it. Perhaps people don't typically use them here (?). I wanted her to go with us in case it was in Russian. There was an English option and it worked! It gave us Tenge from our little, old credit union in Carbondale. One of the families here before us had one of their cards eaten at a bank ATM, so I was a bit concerned.

Who needs to do anything else today?! Actually, Scott is preparing for a walk as I write. I need to do some grading. I think my brain may be somewhat recovered from the jet lag.

I made a Russian-style salad for lunch . . . tomatoes, cucumbers, onions, garlic, salt & pepper, and MAYO! I figure if we aren't eating horse meat, I could at least experience the culture through its salads. Thanks for the inspiration, Kim. I won't be eating them for 2 months though!

As you can see from the subtitle of the post, we did not start "official" bonding until yesterday after the holiday. So, we are still on schedule for returning on 9/18. That means more time with Alia!

We are experiencing our first day without water. Imagine coming home and finding that the water is shut off - no water main break, nothing . . . just no water. I keep turning on the faucet - I don't have Kazakh patience :). It is colder today - in the 50s. We are actually enjoying it. It is a nice change from the heat we experienced last week.

I don't really miss things from home (granted, we do seem to have it pretty easy where we are staying) - I just miss people . . . Luca, friends and family.

A big P.S.
Do you have friends who have much more faith in your ability to do things than you? I am so very lucky to have one of those friends - my dear, dear friend Susan Lee (I have to use her last name since there are about 5 Susans around here). I have a confession to make. I have not made pierogies from scratch. I am so incredibly flattered that she believes I could here. Well, maybe I could, but I haven't :). They are fresh from the frozen food section of The Next Store.

The title of the book will have to be Frozen Pierogies in Kazakhstan.

P.S.S. I will start posting every other day or so unless there is something monumental to report.

P.S.S.S. Please listen to this episode of "This American Life". Some of it is about adoption, all of it is about misconceptions. I really think you will like it.

Luca & Alia (the parentheses of our morning)

2008-09-02T20:52:00.011-05:00

Our last outing to Cedar Lake this summer.

We just finished Skyping with Luca. We speak with him and my mom almost every day at 7 a.m. our time and 8 p.m. their time. He has just gotten out of the tub and is running around in all his naked glory sometimes. How did PAPs do this before Skype? I know there is always the phone, but it helps so much to see his face. Our conversations are pretty disjointed as he bounces around the room moving from one topic to the next while experimenting with the webcam - he likes to put his face really, really close to the camera and go "lalalalalalala." He likes to show us Mathilda, one of our cats, the only one who will let him pick her up. This morning he showed me one of his old bath toys - a water pump. One morning, he asked if Alia was awake and if he could see her. That got me kind of teary because he asked and I wish she was here. It doesn't really matter what is said or seen on these calls - just having a little Luca time feeds my soul.

It will be a long, long time before I will tire of his incessant chatter after returning home. It will be a long, long time before I tire of anything.

He is doing well. I think the first week was pretty tough for both my mom and Luca. He would cry because he missed us and take it out on my mom. One morning he told her she wasn't spreading the jam on his pancakes correctly . . . in fact, she "wasn't doing anything right." There were a few times that we called and he cried and didn't want to talk to us. That was probably the worst for me, but I totally understand. We are not there and he was sad.

But, now, he is in a routine and my mom has figured out how to do most everything "right." They have been very busy. In addition to having his regular 3 pancakes every morning :), he is going to kindergarten all day (8:20-2:45). He says he has a new friend - Elizabeth who has 2 ponytails (he says pony like the aunt from "The Pony Remark" episode of Seinfeld). He doesn't like working on his journal because he doesn't have the freedom he had in Pre-K where he could draw anything he wanted. He has to draw pictures of himself only. Last week he went to his friend Isabelle's house for a play date. I think he likes Melissa, Isabelle's mom, just as much as Isabelle. Luca and my mom went to visit Jean, my mother-in-law at her house in Hermann, MO, this past weekend. There he watched Over the Hedge, played with his Uncle Jeff, ate homemade macaroni and cheese and went on golf cart rides.

This week, he may see our friends Laura and Mariola (do you see a theme here with preferred friends?). He is also going to Grown-Up's Night Out at our Science Center. My step-father will probably visit as well.

Neighbors have checked in on my mom to see how she is doing. I am sure I am forgetting other wonderful acts of kindness. There have been so many. International adoption is really a group effort of people near and far - of strangers, friends & family. It is quite amazing, actually.

It's Luca in the early morning and Alia in the late morning - then, we wait for the next day. We are still in that liminal state - an in-between place with both our kids.

Hold on Tight (Official Bonding Day 1)

2008-09-02T03:48:00.013-05:00

Visit with Alia
We arrive at the Maternity Hospital around 10:00 a.m. The hospital itself is incredibly run-down on the exterior, but is clean and tidy inside. The grounds remind me of those which surround abandoned factories - broken glass, weeds, chunks of masonry. Amid the decay, someone has painted old tires bright colors, laid them on their sides and planted flowers in them.

Scott and I were talking about the run-down appearance of most buildings here - not only in Kokshetau, but also in larger cities like Almaty. As most people who come here find out, the apartments in these buildings are often very nice - bright with hardwood floors, contemporary fixtures, etc. I can only speculate that people expect the state to maintain the civic spaces, not only during the Soviet era, but now also. Kazakhstan is officially socialist, so the government still takes care of a lot of services. Scott also said that Kazakhstan is on the edges of the former Soviet Union, so perhaps not as much money made it here.

We are dropped off behind the hospital. There is a line of blue doors in the back - sometimes they are open, sometimes not. It doesn't look like there is any air conditioning in the hospital, so I assume that they are open for ventilation. From what I can see (and hear from others), central air is almost nonexistent. I do see LG window units dotting the exterior walls of apartment buildings. This is in a place that gets rather hot in the summers - high 90s at times. I have read many blog entries about stifling hot visitation rooms at baby houses. Heat, however, is centralized and controlled by the government. Someone flips an on switch in fall and off switch in the spring.

We make our way through a small dark entry way to 2 small rooms - the first looks like a reception area, the other one has medical stuff in it. I will have to look more carefully at exactly what is in there tomorrow. We then walk out into a large corridor. There is sometimes a nurse with one of those chef's hats on sitting at a desk at the end. It is very dim - there aren't any lights on that I can see - just natural light that filters in through the rooms and a few windows at the end of the hall. The visitation room is the first door on the left. I often feel very covert . . . not sure why, but I do.

We pass through a small room to get into the room where Alia is staying. It is about 8' x 20' with rippling linoleum on the floor. There is a crib with a thick, wooly blanket hanging at the end, a cot with a thin mattress & large pillow and 2 small cabinets where we keep the toys and other stuff like baby wipes & spit-up cloths we bring. At the end of the room is a large window with a deep sill. The window opens at the top, however there is no screen. It looks out onto the area where we are dropped off. There is also a dirt path (lots of dirt paths here!) that cuts through brush and weeds with an apartment building in the distance. There is a pretty constant parade of people walking by. There is also a marble topped table with a plastic jar on top. The jar is covered with a rag and has a piece of paper with dates written on it rubber-banded to it. I have not looked in the jar - it looks a little ominous. There is a bathroom off of the room. I haven't looked too carefully in there either. A tall window looks out onto the corridor, but most of it is covered with paper. There is a constant din from the hospital - crying children, plates rattling (I saw a cart of plates today that looked like my grandmother's china - no plastic there!), nurses talking, doors slamming.

It seems like an unlikely place to become a family, but there we are.

We are asked to bring 8 diapers and a new outfit for Alia every day. I think we have fallen into some sort of routine. The first part of the visit is focused on distracting her while we wait for her bottle. Sometimes it comes at 10:30 . . . sometimes at 11. She has a cold right now and breathes heavily through her nose. It seems like her breathing is really urgent while we await the bottle - no crying, just heavy breathing. We did a little massage and stretching again today, but quickly went back to holding and walking. Dr. Seuss's One Fish . . . was the book of the day & Vince Guaraldi was the musician of the day today. When we were reading she grabbed the book on her own and seemed to be trying to turn the pages. She has also been making good eye contact - I think that is a positive sign (?).

The second part of the visit focuses on her nap. After she wolfs down her bottle in record speed, we sway and walk until she falls asleep. Today, she took a pretty long nap - about 1/2 an hour. She slept on me the whole time. It amazes me that she can trust us to do that, but a warm body has to feel good.

And, what a feeling for us to have that little being snoozing on us! Every once in a while she lets out a little snore or a halting sigh or sucks on her lower lip - other than that she curls up against us and dreams away.

Yesterday, Scott described her as serene . . . Buddha-like. She looks at us steadily, deeply, carefully as if she knows who we are.

I really have to remind myself not to overdo the stimuli. That is my tendency. I want to develop that brain, but I think what she wants now is some physical attention. She is much like a newborn that way.

At some point during the visit, our interpreter comes in and takes a family photo for court. The judge may ask for proof that we were there with Alia every day during the bonding period. We have a photo taken and will print them out with dates stamps and take them to court when we appear.

Our driver shows up around 12:20 p.m. We get in the car where I make an attempt to say hello in Russian (Privyet, Yuri!) and we are whisked away to wherever we want to go in Kokshetau.

Life in Kokshetau
Today we visited the Green Market. The name is deceiving - it was only half green. The other half was piles of dead animal flesh. Whoa! I have never seen so much meat in my life! I am sure there was an assortment, but I didn't look too hard.

Everything seemed so cheap there . . . and they had anything you would want. A few aisles of fruits, vegetables, nuts, dried fruits, a whole room of eggs, a few bakeries, a movie store, lots of candy. I guess it most reminds me of the Farmer's Market in South Bend because it is inside and not just produce.

The women who waited on us were all very nice and accommodating despite the fact that we know very, very little Russian. The woman who sold us our produce thought I wanted 6 KILOS of potatoes, rather than 6 individual ones. When I told her what I wanted by holding up 6 fingers, she disappeared for quite a while, then came out with about 36 rather than 6 potatoes. We all had a good laugh about that! In addition to the potatoes, we bought beets, carrots, tomatoes, red chiles, bananas, cucumbers and apples. All that produce was 400 tenge (less than $2). I spend $20 easy at our Farmer's Market in Carbondale. We also bought a hunk of butter, cheese & bread.

The butter reminds me of the butter my grandmother used to make - yes, my grandmother MADE butter. They lived on a dairy farm. Milk came straight from the cows. It sat out until the cream rose to the top and that was magically turned into butter. My grandmother made me cheese and butter sandwiches. Can you imagine what the nutritionists would say about that? They were divine, though.

We also stopped at the pick-up store for some other stuff. There is almost no produce there. They have a produce section, but it is very, very sad. It is sparse and what is there is definitely past its prime. Scott picked up some Baltika 5, Susan.

I am thinking about making some more pierogies with a mix of roasted root vegetables tonight . . . or lentils & rice with carmelized onions.

I have so many things on my minds - the abundance of workers wherever we go (is that a carry-over from the Soviet era as well?), Russian women's poker faces (I am trying to think of a better description, but they have the attitude of cool mastered), decaying buildings, stores with no display windows, building large stone houses in the middle of tiny, decrepit houses behind corrugated metal fences and why I stood in the coffee aisle today for 15 minutes thinking that I would somehow magically figure out which coffee was best (I wish I would have brought a bag of coffee to start with, a cardigan to wear in the house and envelopes). But this is already long.

Until tomorrow . . .

P.S. Thanks for the comments and emails!!!!! Thank you, thank you, thank you! It helps so much to stay connected and not feel isolated. I have read many blogs and many people write this while here, but now I know how incredibly important it is to read those comments.

Breakfast, Lunch & Dinner of Champions (Bonding Day 4)

2008-09-01T01:58:00.009-05:00

Visit with Alia
This is the bottle that holds the keffir that Alia eats 3 times a day. She eats it in 5 minutes, I swear.

When we arrive we strip her down to her diaper and do a little baby massage and exercise. Jennifer M sent me some great suggestions for physical therapy. A good thing about the hospital is that there isn't anyone around watching us or reprimanding us for taking off her clothes or opening the window or letting her sleep. We can pretty much do anything we want to. She tires pretty quickly of the exercises, but seems to enjoy them for a while. We really have to do something to distract her because we come about a 1/2 hour or so before the bottle. I can see the quiet desperation in her eyes - bottle, bottle, bottle is running through her mind (in Russian of course).

The feeding is almost a nonevent because it happens so darn fast.

She slept some - little cat naps - while we walked and swayed her around. She woke up long enough to play around with this rattle we brought. It has little beads inside that shake around. We showed her how she could grab it and she did! She was clearly doing what we showed her.
She also grabbed at a book we were reading. The books we brought are all bathtub books - vinyl and spongy and light - she clenched a page in her fist and looked like she was trying to turn the page. This is a big deal for little Alia - she hasn't really grabbed anything yet - I don't think she knows to.

Today when we left she was half asleep. I didn't hear her cry until we were almost out the door.

Ready for my rant? It is depressing to have to leave her every day. I know there is wisdom to the bonding period . . . I can't imagine walking in there and walking out with her when she doesn't know us one bit. But, this 2 hour a day stint seems cruel. I know this is what we signed on for, but I don't like it at all.

Life in Kokshetau
Today is Constitution Day (Kazakhstan's Constitution is only 13 years old!) and the first day of school. All the boys wear suits the first day! I loved seeing boys of all shapes and sizes walking around in their suits. The girls wear black and white and those massive Russian bows - the bows are so absurd that they are cute.

Former Soviet countries sure love their oversized head gear - the police hats are huge and so are the nurses' (closer to chef hats). They also love their uniforms. I teach a section on Russian woman artists from around the revolution. A lot of them designed uniforms. I think uniforms represented where you worked and solidarity with whom you worked with and the government. I can see the uniform theme carry over in the more traditional grocery stores - the ones that have 4 places to check out. I walk into those places and feel daunted - where DO I check out with what and why can't I pick up my own laundry detergent?

We walked to Gorky Park this afternoon. It was crowded because of the holiday and kids were just out of school. There are some rides in the park - a ferris wheel, this crazy thing that spun two people upside down and back again, and some others. There were also lots of food stands.

We have not eaten out yet. Do you know we are vegetarian? Yes, the vegetarians go to the country whose national dish is horse sausage. I am sure we can find something to eat in a restaurant, but we have been enjoying our meals at home. Last night, I made pierogi & roasted carrots. It was actually pretty good - the pierogi were awesome. We still don't have huge appetites - maybe still jet lagged?

Happy Labor Day!

The Cottage

2008-08-31T05:24:00.006-05:00

The front - I think this used to be some high official's house. I have to check on that.

Scott in the dining room enjoying some beer (not sure what it is - it has a sun on the label) and internet.

The kitchen, home of the forbidden washer.

View of living room/dining room from the kitchen.

Stairs and door to 1/2 bath

Upstairs bath - Kaz baths all seem so spacious.

Our room - very comfortable and roomy!

Another view of our room.

Me waving at Luca (and you too) in the living room.

Not shown: the second bedroom (we may have roommates arriving today) and the TV room all on the 2nd floor.

We have everything we need here thanks to the families who were here before us and the team here. We also have wireless!!!! We have added our contribution to the household - a french press - because coffee is oh so important.

We are very, very grateful!

Fussy Feet (Bonding Day 3)

2008-08-31T04:06:00.010-05:00

If Alia could speak I think she would say, "I just want to be held!"

When we arrived today she was HUNGRY, but we had about 1/2 hour to wait for her bottle. We tried to distract her with a little tummy time (she doesn't seem to mind it - Luca hated it), some books and a little massage and stretching. Thanks for the reassurance on the stiffness and suggestions for exercises. I recall reading about it, but wanted to be sure. My brain is still a little foggy.

She didn't cry for the bottle, however, she looked very concerned and distracted. When it arrived, Scott fed her and it was gone in 5 minutes flat - no exaggeration - a full Kazakh sized bottle in 5 minutes.

After the bottle, I thought she would play for a while. Perhaps we wore her out with the stretching and massage. She just wanted to be held and walked and swayed (I am trying to remember the 5 S's from Happiest Baby on the Block). She fell asleep, then woke up when I tried to give her to Scott. We repeated this all over again with the same results. Finally, Scott got her back to sleep and she laid on me and slept so hard. And, that was about it. Oh - we did hear a new noise today. She giggles and makes a very subdued fuss noise. Today, she made more of a conversational sound. It was pretty cool. I was echoing her yesterday. I wonder if she was doing a little echoing of her own today.

We play music while we are there. A colleague of Scott's gave us a lot of classical music before we left. Bach seems to be appreciated. I have my Nano as well. We listen to Baby Einstein, Elizabeth Mitchell (if you haven't heard her, please check her out - awesome!) and Cowboy Junkies today - mellow music for a mellow day.

When we arrive on the hospital grounds my pulse starts racing and I get nervous. It is the funniest thing . . . I just get so excited to see her. When we leave her in her crib (she cried yesterday and today), I want to throw up. I get into this post-visit funk.

To remedy that we went out by ourselves today! We survived! It was only a trip to the Next Store (supermarket or "pick-up store"), but it felt good. When I was paying, the check-out woman said something to me in Russian - "Nyet Russki" I said. She said, "Oh" but continued speaking to me in Russian. The total was about 3000 Tenge and I gave her 4000. It seemed to have to do with that. I wonder if she wanted me to pay closer to 3000. I didn't have that anyway.

I believe I successfully located lotion. I wrote it out in Russian before we left. I also believe I found conditioner. I surreptiously opened the bottle and squeezed a little out. I didn't want to get busted by the grocery store "police".

We are confused about whether our bonding has officially started. Our in-country team in Almaty seemed to think that we would not start officially bonding until Tuesday because of the Constitution Day holiday. However, we signed the intention to adopt papers on Friday. So, it seems that we are on Day 3. I would love that. Things would be AHEAD of schedule! Should I even say that out loud for fear of tempting fate?!

Covert Laundress

2008-08-30T19:47:00.004-05:00

Shhhhh! Don't tell anyone I did some laundry last night! I snuck into the kitchen, carefully made note of all the dial settings on the washer so that I could set them as they were. I removed the one towel waiting in the washer and figured out where the detergent went. Then, I looked around to see if anyone was watching. When I believed the coast was clear, I pulled the knob and the washer started chugging away - music to my ears.

We are supposed to let Luba (cleaning lady) wash our clothes because the landlord thinks that the people who were here before us broke the washer. When we arrived, the landlord and interpreter were showing us around the cottage and we ended up in the kitchen where the landlord went on a 10 minute diatribe in Russian. After all that, our interpreter looked at us cooly and said, "It would be better for everyone if Luba did the laundry." Hmmmm. Is that all she said?

I couldn't help myself! I am a laundry nut and I like to do things myself. When a friend of mine and I visited some relatives in Germany for a few days, my great-aunt begged us to do our laundry. No way, I repeated over and over . . . I will wait and sit in the crowded, steamy, stinky laundromat in Berlin thank you very much. And, now I really don't want Luba to do it. I want to do it.

I got a little carried away with clothes packing minimalism. I brought exactly 2 pairs of pants (1 pair of yoga pants and 1 pair of jeans). I brought more tops/sweaters (maybe 10 in all) thinking that I can just wear the same pants, but mix up the tops. But, I really only want to wear the same pants twice - so I want to clean them every 4 days or so. I don't want to ask Luba to do the laundry every 4 days or so! ARGHHH!

The cycle finished in about 1/2 hour or so. I took the clothes out, carefully replaced the towel crumpled in the drum exactly as it had been before, left the door slightly ajar, and reset the dials. I hope that I did everything right!

I guess I am going to have to take a chance . . . keep tempting fate that I will get caught washing our clothes one of these days in the surreal world of Kokshetau, Kaz.

She likes books! (Bonding Day 2)

2008-08-30T02:57:00.005-05:00

Today we had our first full visit with Alia.

A blonde-haired little boy snuck into the visitation room just after we arrived. He was probably 2 or 3 (?). Scott played peek-a-boo with him for a bit and he didn't want to leave. Our interpreter came in and shooed him out. She told us he was headed to the orphanage in Tschuchinsk. Since this is a hospital we don't see any of the other kids. We hear them sometimes, but we don't see them. Alia stays by herself in the visitation room during the bonding period.

She is such a sweet girl. The only sound she makes is a giggle! When we arrived, she greeted us with a smile, but seemed tired already. She does seem to have a bug - congested and a little warm. We changed her into the clothes we brought - we are asked to provide clothes and diapers during the bonding period. We also gave her a little baby wipe bath.

We showed Alia the toys we brought today - a book and a doll. She was not so interested in the doll, but the book - she was fascinated by the book. Scott read it to her, pointing at the pictures and she carefully, quietly followed his finger with her eyes. She was a little fussy, so Scott walked her back and forth until she fell asleep. He then gave her to me and she slept on my chest for about 20 minutes until a nurse brought her bottle. It was so amazing having that little being with us snoozing away.

She sucked down a pretty large bottle in no time - it looked like it was larger than 8 ounces - maybe 12? They feed the babies warm keffir, a fermented milk that is like liquid yogurt. That's it. Babies don't have solid food or even cereal until they leave the hospital.

After a burp or two, she was ready to play for a while. She sat in my lap and we read the book again. At one point, I swear she pointed just like I was. She does not sit up, but wants to very badly. If we are not holding her she wants to be vertical. She rolls over and sort of pushed up on her side today. She is a little stiff. I thought I had read that babies are often stiff because they don't get out of their cribs a lot. Is that true? We have been stretching out her arms and legs and hands whenever we get a chance.

Scott can really get her giggling. He lifts her in the air or tickles her and she loves it. The visit was over before we knew it. We had to leave her in her crib all by herself. She started fussing when we laid her down, but we had to leave. After visits are probably the worst time of the day for me . . . between the jet lag and having to leave her . . . it's hard.

We haven't gone out on our own yet. We may walk down to the "Pick-Up" store later on to pick up a few more things (hence, the reason our interpreter calls it the "pick-up" store). We went yesterday, but I discovered I bought liquid soap instead of lotion the hard way. I am a little itchy today :). I also bought 2 bottles of shampoo instead of 1 bottle of shampoo and 1 bottle of conditioner. Grocery prices are pretty similar to the U.S. - maybe a bit cheaper. Name brand diapers seem a little more expensive, but that's about it.

And, yes, we were followed around by some store employees a bit. It didn't bother me as much as I had thought it would.

Generally, we can get the same or similar stuff as we can at home. So far, I only wish I had brought a few envelopes for sorting stuff like money and a cardigan to wear around the cottage.

The jet lag is okay. I have been getting up around 5 or 5:30 a.m. and pretty much crash in the afternoon. Today, I feel better than yesterday though. Getting up early is actually great because we can Skype with Luca right before he goes to bed.

Okay - now I am rambling. Do svidaniya!

Understanding the Process (Bonding Day 1)

2008-08-29T06:50:00.012-05:00

The hangman puzzle is solved. Thanks for playing :).

So, Kokshetau it is. We are about 186 miles north of Astana. See map - right above Shchuchinsk and below Petro. It looks like we are not that far from the Serra clan in Kostanai which is northwest of us. According to Wikipedia, Kokshetau (meaning "blue mountains") is the administrative center of Akmola province. We are 30 miles from Burabai or "Kazakhstani Switzerland" and are at the end of the largest power line in the world!

Typically people travel here from Almaty via Air Kokshetau, but they aren't selling enough tickets right now and are out of jet fuel, so service is suspended. Instead, we flew into Astana and made the rest of the trip by car.

Astana rises up out of the flat, empty earth like the Emerald City. It is the new capitol of Kazakhstan and most everything there is only 10 years old. Our coordinator said there are lots of "banks and shops." Because it is so new, it doesn't seem to have the buffer of a ring of suburbs that most large American cities have. It seems to go straight from city to empty flatlands. I imagine that this is what some of the large cities in the Middle East look like.

Outside of the city, the landscape is flat and prairie-like for quite a while. There is very little that gives structure to the terrain - no billboards or exit ramps or fences or gas stations or hotels or anything. There is the occasional Lada parked at the side of the road with the driver selling jarred stuff - maybe honey? - and random livestock roaming free (again, no fences) or being herded by Kazakh shepherds (?). As we got closer to Kokshetau, I saw more trees and stands of birchs . . . and steppes, lots of beautiful, undulating steppes. We only drove past one town during the entire 4 hour car ride.

And, we did see a rainbow when we drove through the entrance to the city. What an amazing sign.

This morning we got up pretty early (5 ish) and Skyped with my mom and Luca. Skype helps a lot, but I have gone through these intense times of missing him so much. I know time will pass very quickly and we will be back home with him before we know it.

We had our meeting with the official from the Ministry of Education. He was pleasant. Our interpreter said he was in a good mood today. Basically, he just wants to check adoptive parents out. He asked questions that ranged from "Who is going to be the next American president?" (seems he is rooting for Obama too) to "What is the weather like where you live?" to "Do you have a preference for the ethnicity of the child?". At times, I felt like he was pulling questions out of the air . . . saying to himself, "Hmmm. What should I ask them next?" He also asked what we thought about the Georgian conflict. It seems both our interpreter and the official believe Russia is getting a bad rap in the American press because Georgia really started the conflict.

After that, we went over to the maternity hospital. Kokshetau may be the only city who keeps babies in the maternity hospital, not in a baby house (orphanage). So, our visits actually take place in a small room in the hospital.

The baby we hope will soon be our daughter is not named Saskia (Luca was pretty disappointed, but compromised by saying that Saskia will be her nickname). We really did consider the name, but we like her given name which is Alia, which means lofty, sublime, exalted. We thought this was the perfect name for the daughter we have been waiting for and also a way for her to stay connected to her birth country.

When we met Alia, we were greeted with an open-mouthed smile (very much reminds me of Shannon's Alexa) and giggles. She is such a sweet, sweet child. She could care less about any of the toys we put in front of her today. She just wanted us to hold her. I remember both Karen and Catalina writing about focusing on emotional needs before worrying about developmental issues. They were both speaking in reference to older children, but this seems to make sense for Alia as well. In the hospital, she does not have a lot of one-on-one time with nurses, so it makes sense to give her this before anything else. Alia is fascinated by Scott. I held her for a long time while she studied his face. She is very observant and alert. She loves to be lifted into the air . . . the "lifter" is rewarded with the best giggles. But, she can also be very serious. For the first part of the visit, we talked to her, held her and played a little. She got worn out pretty quickly. I had to remind myself not to get too crazy with the stimulus. The rest of the visit Scott or I held her and walked back and forth in our little room. She fell asleep for a little while in my arms. I forgot that babies double in weight when sleeping!

It really seemed like she has been waiting for us - maybe that explains the rainbow.

We will visit her every day from 10 am-12 pm. In a few days we plan to ask if we can stay longer. After 14 days of visitation, we can petition for a court date. I think we also have pre-court. We are making 2 trips because of Luca and because I am teaching this semester. There is a pretty significant wait between the request for the court date and the court date (roughly 3 weeks).

Hopefully, we will return by the beginning of October for court with Scott's mom. A good thing about this region is that immediate custody is often awarded after court. We will still have the 15 day waiting period, but actually get custody of Alia while we wait. After court, I will go back home and Scott and his mom will finish the process. Maybe we will all be together by Halloween. We can only hope.

I would love to show you a full photo of this little munchkin. I really would, but I can't. She is not our daughter yet - we still have a long way to go. Thanks so much for the great comments and checking on us - it means so very much.

Amazing

2008-08-29T04:20:00.003-05:00

After we drove through the gates of Kokshetau, I looked out the back of the car window and saw a rainbow - no rain in sight, just a few clouds. So, here we are . . . at the end of our rainbow. Amazing.

Touchdown X4

2008-08-28T10:01:00.005-05:00

"Toto, we're not in Kansas (actually, Illinois) any more."

No, we're in Kazakhstan!!!!

This is the first photo we have taken. With any luck, "Saskia" will be nestled in this crib before long. It has been a whirlwind of travel, so I haven't even thought to get the camera out. We arrived at our destination a few hours ago - 4 flights, one car ride and 33 hours after leaving our house.

I wouldn't trade the car ride here for anything. It was absolutely amazing . . . surreal, actually. I kept thinking of Dr. Zhivago and Dreams of My Russian Summers by Andrei Makine (which actually makes a lot more sense to me now).

We meet the Minister of Education tomorrow morning, then we meet "Saskia"! I can hardly stand waiting any longer.

Hopefully, we will also get to Skype with Luca before we go. We haven't talked to him for a few days. Being away from him has been the hardest thing to deal with so far. Scott was doing a pretty good imitation of him by asking for pancakes this morning. I miss my boy.

I'll post tomorrow and let you know how everything goes.

P.S. I have been playing a little game of hang man with the titles of the blog posts (since 8/20). If you look hard at the blog archive and are a little dyslexic, you might be able to figure out where we are.

ETA

2008-08-26T16:47:00.002-05:00

Here we are in lovely Concourse C at O'Hare. Scott sang the "Duty Free Shop" song from Seinfeld when we walked by.

So far, so good. Granted, we are only in Chicago. Our 40 minute flight was smooth and uneventful and early!

I have developed an alternative theory about why people get sick in Kazakhstan. It isn't because of the new germs, it is because by the time you get there, you are running on empty. I got exactly 4 hours of sleep last night. I was making pancakes (only got to 57!) and finishing up work for my classes. Also, I have had zero appetite, which is really unusual. I have not been eating much at all. Don't worry. I have lots of reserves :)!

We should arrive in Almaty at 11:20 pm (Kaz time) tomorrow (which is our tomorrow morning - I am getting the hang of the time change thing). Not sure if I will be able to post.

Next stop Frankfurt!

Havoc

2008-08-25T08:36:00.002-05:00

n.
1. Widespread destruction; devastation.
2. Disorder or chaos: a wild party (or a trip to Kazakhstan) that created havoc in the house.

Photo to follow . . . when I find our camera :).

Seeking Experienced Pancake Maker

2008-08-24T09:12:00.002-05:00

For the last few years, Luca has eaten pancakes with some sort of berry jam and a banana almost every morning for breakfast. The alternative (which is not preferable for our boy) is Honey Nut Cheerios and a banana. Luca is really healthy - he rarely gets sick and if he does it is a runny nose (knock on wood). I attribute this to the daily banana.

Anyway, the pancakes aren't purchased at the store. They are homemade . . . blueberry with buckwheat or whole wheat pastry flour for nutrition. I make large batches and freeze them. Over the next 2 days I want to make 23 days worth of pancakes which adds up to 69 pancakes, hence the title of the post.

Help :)!

53 hours until take-off!

Kindred Spirits

2008-08-22T21:44:00.003-05:00

Meet Wedge (short for Wedgehead) & Wedgina (short for little Wedgehead). Wedge already has a boy to sleep with and cuddle, but Wedgina is waiting patiently to meet her kindred spirit.

Thanks, for Wedgina, Kami . . . "Saskia" will love her!

OH! So that's it.

2008-08-21T18:04:00.009-05:00

Since we received our travel dates, my feet haven't touched the ground. I feel like I am barely here. I was speaking to one of my grad students today and he said, "You are in a liminal space." AH! That's it!

He is right and now I feel okay because I can name it and wikipedia can define it:

"Liminality (from the Latin word līmen, meaning "a threshold"^[1]) is a psychological, neurological, or metaphysical subjective, conscious state of being on the "threshold" of or between two different existential planes, as defined in neurological psychology (a "liminal state") and in the anthropological theories of ritual by such writers as Arnold van Gennep, Victor Turner, and others.^{[citations needed]} In the anthropological theories, a ritual, especially a rite of passage, involves some change to the participants, especially their social status.^[2]
The liminal state is characterized by ambiguity, openness, and indeterminacy.^{[citations needed]}One's sense of identity dissolves to some extent, bringing about disorientation. Liminality is a period of transition where normal limits to thought, self-understanding, and behavior are relaxed - a situation which can lead to new perspectives.^{[citations needed]}

^{How long does this last?}

Keeping Healthy

2008-08-20T15:56:00.005-05:00

A Day of Prevention
We have put off immunizations and requests for medication until this week. Today, we got our first Hepatitis A & B and Diphtheria/Tetanus. Hepatitis A needs 2 weeks to offer full protection . . . hopefully, we won't have any problems. I may be able to get typhoid from my general practitioner. That needs to be taken over the course of 6 days.

CDC also recommends rabies - no thanks!

My GP has prescribed Cipro and a sleeping pill to help with the jet lag. We also have melatonin, so we are pretty much covered for sleep :). The international adoption doctor also prescribed some things to take along for the baby as well as syringes in case anyone needs injections or blood draws.

A tip for those who haven't traveled yet - go to your county health department for the Hepatitis series & Diphtheria/Tetanus. It was $77 for those shots. From what I have read and heard, travel clinic are much more expensive and insurance does not always cover these shots.

I have talked to people who have gotten shots and not had any problems. I have also spoken with those who skipped them all together and were fine as well. My thinking was I didn't want to take a chance.

It does seem like the Cipro is really important. I have read about a number of PAPs who have gotten sick - sinus infections, stomach "issues", even food poisoning - and the Cipro seemed to knock out whatever ailed them.

Less than a week until our encounter with germs halfway around the world!

P.S. Thanks for all of you who left comments for my "Roll Call" post. If you haven't let me know you are still out there - please do. Thanks!

Drum Roll Please!

2008-08-18T17:38:00.005-05:00

Dossier #2 is DONE! I just returned from a jaunt to lovely Springfield, Illinois (I waved "hello" for you, Barb!) - home of our State Capitol and, more importantly, the Secretary of State's Index Office. Exciting stuff, I know! It was kind of a nail biter because you just never know if a document will be rejected for some random reason that only makes sense in the world of notaries and the state government.

BUT, alas, all 7 documents were Great Sealed without incident. I counted the staple sounds from the cubicle just so I wouldn't be surprised. While I was waiting I was reading Pema Chodron's The Places That Scare You: A Guide to Fearlessness in Difficult Times. She was instructing me to accept what is . . . to accept that the universe is constantly in flux . . . the only constant is change. . . to anticipate things is pointless. And, yet there I was trying to anticipate what was coming next by counting staple clicks. The irony. I have a lot to learn :).

While I was waiting, a young woman came in . . . breathless and confused. "Is this where I get something Apostilled (she pronounced it "A - post - eled")?" She explained it was for Thailand or South Korea. She wasn't sure yet. I wondered if she is at the beginning of her international adoption journey. I also wondered if I should correct her pronunciation of Apostille :). I felt like such a veteran . . . the symbolism of her at the beginning and us nearing the end was not lost on me.

On the drive home I got all choked up when I realized that we will meet the child who will hopefully be our daughter NEXT WEEK. I guess now that we have the papers, diaper rash cream, microfiber towels, Clif bars, syringes, melatonin, and all that other stuff, I am beginning to realize that this is really real (the multiple use of real is intentional).

Don't forget to let me know if you are still out there (see below). I don't mean to sound harsh with the "deleting" and all. I was just looking through my permissions list and wasn't sure who some people are and if they are still checking in.

Safe travels Darlene & Dennis and Regina & Milo!

Roll Call

2008-08-17T12:24:00.003-05:00

We are approaching our 100 person quota so I need to purge if possible. If you are still reading, could you let me know by leaving a comment? This way I know that you are still around (thank you for sticking with us - it has been a long haul). I won't delete you if I hear from you.

Thanks!

Reflecting on Kazakhstan Adoption

2008-08-16T16:39:00.004-05:00

I have read list serves and stalked Kazakhstan adoption blogs for a while - more than a year now. I have seen a lot of families come home with their kids. I have also seen a lot of families withdraw from the Kazakhstan program and a few come home without children. When I first subscribed to the Kazakhstan_Adoption list, the DeLorenzos were in-country and going through what looked to be living hell. After losing a referral from AIP before they even traveled, they began bonding with a child and his mother returned. They started bonding with another child and he became unavailable for some reason. They returned without a child. There were more families who came home without children after them.

There has also been this spectre of pending legislation that would limit adoptions for parents who are over 50 and singles. And, there was the suspension in March . . . and, now the requirement of Hague compliance for agencies before September 15.

Commonwealth has closed its doors leaving so many families devastated. And, it looks like several Children's Hope International clients have been informed that their dossiers have been returned from the MFA because they requested a particular gender in their application. Is this limited to this agency? Is it because the agency submitted too many applications? Now, more families are struggling with what to do next.

I know some choose adoption before going the biological route. Lots of families also look to adoption after they have had problems conceiving or gone through loss. To have to go through additional loss - an agency closing its doors or coming home without a child - is heartbreaking. It is unfair. Do governments see this? Do they see individual families and their struggles? Do they see the children whose futures hinge on having a family who will love and take care of them?

The last couple of days I have been thinking about the families that didn't make it or are struggling with the process and I am sorry. I just want to tell you that - I am so sorry. I hope you find your way to your child soon and that the joy you experience then erases the pain you are feeling now.

It's All About the Technology

2008-08-13T18:16:00.008-05:00

Being certain that we can communicate while in Kazakhstan has become a bit of an obsession with us. If Luca was going with us, I doubt it would be such a priority. We want to make sure we can communicate with him once (or twice!) a day. That is going to be a trick in and of itself because of the time difference and his military-like schedule :).

The abundance of communication devices & accessories makes my head spin. So, here is what we are taking/doing:

Computer loaded with Skype: From what I can gather, where we are staying has wireless capability, so all we have to take is our laptop. I have heard about Skype from other PAPs for months. We finally had all the equipment we needed to use it and downloaded it a few days ago. IT IS AMAZING! It is basically chat that can also include video. We can buy a phone number and call landlines (people that don't have a Skype account). I chatted with Tricia in Kostanai yesterday morning. It worked so well. I also received messages from Susan yesterday afternoon when I was offline. Luca and I have chatted with Scott while he is in his office. The video capability is the best. This is how we will communicate with Luca and my mom and others. Scott has tried using a couple of headsets to no avail - we may just use the speaker in the computer.
Cell phone: We are renting a cell phone in Kazakhstan. We will be able to receive calls from the U.S., however, we won't be able to make them. We will only be able to call out in Kazakhstan. This phone will be used if my mom needs to get a hold of us at times outside of out Skype "dates". It also may be used to communicate with the in-country team.

Can that be it? After all this talk and thinking we are just taking a cell phone and computer! Of course there are also the extra batteries, headsets (?), cords, etc. We also have our digital camera and a video camera.

Other Stuff

Visas arrived just now! I did not know what to expect. I assumed that a visa is a separate piece of paper. Isn't everything in international adoption a separate piece of paper? My heart sank when I opened the FedEx envelope only to find our passports. Then, I started flipping through and buried on pages 21 & 24 were our visas!

Tickets are purchased.

Travel insurance has been purchased. Scott took care of this yesterday - he found out that the people who run the company have adopted themselves - once from Kazakhstan.

Scott also placed a big order with Amazon a couple of days ago - things like microfiber travel towels, extra battery for the computer, power strip, money belts, passport lanyard, etc. He also ordered a Magellan Eurosurge protector.

We have almost all of our paperwork - just missing my notarized medical form. My doctor's office does not have a notary. I used a traveling notary last time, but she is recovering from surgery and is unable to drive until next week. I am trying to get my doctor to meet me at our credit union . . . to no avail yet. I am calling her again today.

I started working on a detailed schedule for Luca and the house - details, details. Pretty amazing how many details make-up our everyday lives! I am now started to understand why I am exhausted at the end of the day.

I think things are coming together.

UPDATE: My doctor's office called and they have located a notary to use. The last piece of paperwork will be notarized on Friday! What a relief! Now I can go to Springfield for Apostilles on Monday. Last night, I felt like I hit a wall . . . today I feel like the clouds are parting. Almost there!

(L)ots (O)f (I)nspiration

2008-08-11T10:27:00.003-05:00

. . . to get the rest of trip things done. YES . . . we have it . . . the last piece of the puzzle.

WE HAVE OUR LOI*!

*LOI=Letter of Invitation from the Kazakhstan government inviting us to Kazakhstan. We can now apply for our travel visas which are required for entry into the country.

(Almost) Fabulous Five

2008-08-06T16:44:00.006-05:00

We still have a few more weeks until Luca is officially 5. Here are some photos from a celebration we had at my parents' cottage.

Luca is ready to be a big brother. He said he will help feed her, but certainly can't cook! He also wants to know if babies can meet and love each other because we have new friends who have a 1 year-old daughter. He seems to think "Saskia" and Piper will hit it off. I think so too.

A Gifting We Will Go

2008-08-05T17:06:00.004-05:00

After thoroughly experiencing my feelings of frustration, I decided it was time to go shopping.

I ordered a scarf for one of the higher end gifts. I also ordered 10 spa sets for the caregivers. I will add some tenge (or dollars?) to the spa sets that way I feel like I have all bases covered (thanks Amy & Karen for letting me know that this is okay). I need a couple more $20 gifts, something for the driver, interpreter, and the judge.

These storage cups seem like they would be good for the driver. Do you think we should wait and buy him something there?

I may just order a bracelet and necklace from etsy for the other $20 gifts.

I know people say not to spend too much time on this, but it is hard not to!

No visits from FedEx today. I am a little frustrated with them because they changed their system and tracking is a pain in the butt!

Later: Okay - so I think I have ordered almost all the gifts. We may wait to buy a couple there (driver & some chocolates to add on to an existing gift). I ordered 3 bracelets and a pen/pencil set for the judge from www.etsy.com. Making some progress . . .

ALMOST Ready

2008-07-30T15:50:00.004-05:00

Frus-ta-rated
This is how Luca says "frustrated." That's what I am definitely feeling right now. Everything is half-done, in between, not quite.

Today I finished When Things Fall Apart, which I loved for a multitude of reasons. One of the most important ones is that Buddhism seems to be a spiritual practice to which I can most relate. I have not been too terribly sure about religion for a long, long time. I found it too simplistic to say that there is no order to the universe, there is no spiritual dimension, yet I could not embrace any organized religion.

In this book, Pema Chodron, the Abbot of a Tibetan Buddhist Abby in Canada, suggests that things do and will and should fall apart and feel chaotic. And people are better served if they don't push away these experiences and feelings that accompany the experiences. She suggests feeling whatever you feel and by doing this you are being kind to yourself. If you are kinder to yourself, you will be kinder to others. So much of what she wrote about applies to my life right at this moment.

In almost exactly 3 weeks, we are getting on a plane and flying to Kazakhstan to meet our daughter. And, right now, things feel like they are falling apart . . . or have fallen apart and are not going to be put back together any time soon.

At this very moment, I am frus-ta-rated by the falling apart. I am trying to FEEL the frustration rather than push it away :). We were out of town, which I will cover in a later post, and I expected to come back to some lovely blue & orange FedEx envelopes with Apostilled documents. No luck. I also received a letter from our mortgage company that said they would get to our request for verification in - OH - 20 days (see above - 3 weeks!).

We haven't booked our tickets. We haven't purchased gifts. Everything else feels like it is scattered in the wind. Will it come back together again?

It did for Susan, right?! I am so happy for the amazing Serra Family who has met their newest member, the impish Leeza! Congratulations, Susan, Joe & Sean! And, Regina has Milo full-time now.

This is all good! Everything comes together in the end!

Thoughts on chaos

2008-07-28T08:54:00.002-05:00

"Chaos should be regarded as extremely good news." - Trungpa Rinpoche, Tibetan Buddhist teacher

Gratitude

2008-07-24T21:15:00.007-05:00

An intense version of some sort of feeling emerges everyday - elation, excitement, paralyzing fear . . . and now gratitude.

I almost wept when the secretary at our Edward Jones office said that "Saskia" has a great mom, dad and big brother. One of my colleagues offered to rearrange her class schedule to teach one of my classes in my absence. That didn't work out so one of my graduate assistants has agreed to take on the responsibility of lecturing to my 150 student class! Another colleague is covering my other class for the entire time we are gone. The only thing she asked for in return is a batch of the decadent New York Times chocolate chip cookies. I can do that! And our social worker - I emailed her today for an home study update - she's sending it tomorrow.

Our agency and coordinator have been so great. Obviously we wouldn't be sitting here a month away from travel without them. So far, everything has happened as they have promised.

And, everyone around here is offering to do stuff with Luca while we are gone. Kami (the best caretaker ever who is busy being pregnant with her own (first) child) offered to come down and visit. Our friends here have offered visits and playdates. And, of course, my mom is coming down here to take care of our boy for weeks.

And the adoption and blogging community has been fabulous as well. Everyone is so willing to share anything they have and know. I have been fortunate to know two adoptive moms who have been great mentors. Alison helped me through all that paperwork and frustration last fall. Jennifer M. has prepared me for the joys and challenges of being an adoptive mother and helped me understand how our agency and the process works. She is also an amazing friend.

There are obviously many, many more people who have helped us through this entire process. I just want to say how grateful we are.

Separation Anxiety

2008-07-22T08:12:00.006-05:00

I could probably write a post everyday until we leave. The tone of each post would most likely be completely different - a little like Sybil :). Take this past weekend - I felt nothing but excitement and elation. Every once in a while I looked at Scott with a goofy smile on my face and said, "We have travel dates. We have TRAVEL DATES!" I skipped around town buying luggage and clothes. We had dinner together on Friday night with legal pad in hand so we could make lists and designate tasks. They were days filled with happiness and motivation.

But, take yesterday . . . nothing but tears, fears and paralysis. Now you may think . . . I know I definitely think "Isn't this what you have been waiting for? This is it! Check those fears at the door." We started talking seriously about adoption years ago - in February of 2006 to be exact. We have actively pursued adoption from Kazakhstan since early last spring when we contacted our agency and requested that first piece of paper from some government official - our marriage license which was, of course, too old to use by the time we submitted our dossier. We have been anticipating travel dates for more than a year. The momentous event has arrived - this is it and I am petrified.

Why? In a word, Luca.

Luca will stay here with his grandma because it really is the best thing for all involved. He starts (bi-lingual) kindergarten the week before we leave. I just cannot imagine taking him out for roughly a month almost immediately. I don't think taking him on bonding visits is even an option. It would be a rough trip for him and probably a rougher one for us. My rational, analytic brain knows it is the best thing . . . but my heart . . . my heart says something completely different.

I have been away from Luca for - Oh - maybe 5 nights in the almost 5 years we have been lucky enough to have him as part of our lives. He has not gone to day care. The last year or so he has started to do more activities outside of our home like Grown-Up's Night Out a couple of nights a month and camps at our Science Center. But, most of our time is spent together. And, now, we will be gone a month . . . GULP!

I know he will have fun with my mom and this separation will probably encourage some more independence . . . and we are going to meet his baby sister-to-be after all. But this is still so very difficult.

According to Louann Brizendine, author of The Female Brain,

"The changes that happen in the mommy brain are the most profound and permanent of a woman's life. For as long as her child is living under her roof, her GPS system of brain circuits will be dedicated to tracking that beloved child. Long after the grown baby leaves the nest, the tracking device continues to work. Perhaps this is why so many mothers experience intense grief and panic when they lose day-to-day contact with the person their brain tells them is an extension of their own reality."

That explains it.

Shifting the Boundary of My Being

2008-07-20T18:31:00.006-05:00

"Nothing can explain this adventure—lets say a quirk of fortune steered us together—we made our covenants, began this odyssey of ours, by hunch and guess work, a blind date where foolish love consented in advance. . . Gratuitous, beyond our fathoming, both binding and freeing, this love re-invades us, shifts the boundaries of our being." ~ from Out of the Blue by Michael O’ Siadhail

I read the above quote in the comment section on another blog a few months ago. Thanks for having such well-read, insightful friends, Susan B-T!

I have been thinking about this quote all day today - as I went to pick up a piece of luggage and some clothes for the trip. There is this feeling of preparing for one of the most significant meetings of my lifetime - Scott, then Luca and now "Saskia". It is indescribable. It makes my heart flutter and tears come to my eyes.

The Lucky Pink Shirt

2008-07-18T14:24:00.006-05:00

Earlier this week we received an adorable t-shirt from Shannon and Alexa. How sweet is that? Even though the card said "Saskia", we couldn't wait so Luca opened the package. He immediately observed that it wouldn't fit him :), but he believes that it will look good on "Saskia."

It seems this shirt has brought a bit of good news with it . . . WE HAVE OUR TRAVEL DATES! We should be headed to Kazakhstan at the end of August! It is hard to believe. No LOI yet, but we have dates . . . we have DATES!

You can be sure the lucky shirt will be going with us! Have shirt, will travel.

Swimming in Paper

2008-07-10T08:15:00.002-05:00

I am a few papers away from being done with grading for my summer class. WHEW! For motivation, I promised myself I could order a pair of sandals when I am done. Cute, huh? I wonder how they will hold up on the Steppes of Kazakhstan :).

It seems the theme for this month will be paper. Just to be safe, I am redoing a lot of our dossier. Most of it will be a year old in September and October. I was really dreading doing this, but when you've done it once, the second time around is much easier.

I started this blog a little less than a year ago. After our first home study visit, I felt confidant that this adoption from a country on the other side of the planet could actually happen, so I took the leap and put myself out there in virtual space.

I never imagined the kind of support and friendships it could bring me. A simple thank you seems inadequate - fireworks should explode, balloons should fall from the ceiling, confetti should fly through the air.

Perhaps, we can do all this when "Saskia" is home :).

Alright, alright . . . ALRIGHT

2008-07-01T17:17:00.007-05:00

We really are a CURIOUS bunch, aren't we?

I came across that image yesterday - it accompanied a good article on worrying which I was doing, but it wasn't associated with our adoption really. I didn't even think about the title of Susan's post announcing great news from a few weeks ago.

So, here I am - unwittingly outing myself.

We do know our region. The funny thing is that we have known it for a while now! The timing was a miracle. I was pretty low, doing lots of doubting and POOF! we knew something. In keeping with the espionage and intrigue of Kazakhstan adoption (there IS a dossier involved here, you know), I won't actually post about our region until we are there. Sorry - top secret :)!

Keep the faith!

P.S. To mark the occasion, I created a poll on the right. Some of you know that Luca came up with the name Saskia. Some friends think we should keep it, some don't. What do you think?

Manic Monday

2008-06-30T11:37:00.004-05:00

Hitting the Books

2008-06-19T12:58:00.008-05:00

School's NOT out for summer
I am right in the middle of teaching a summer class. The idea is to stuff 16 weeks worth of material into 4. The idea is flawed and I am running around like a chicken with its head cut off. At least I get some time to catch up this weekend. The good thing is that the students are engaged and it is over before I know it.

Preparations Continue
I am on a bit of a hiatus from preparing for our trip while I teach, but Scott has started computer shopping. We do not have a laptop, so we would like to purchase one for the trip. After Regina's & Frank's experience with Windows Vista in Kazakhstan, I am concerned. I would hate to get over there and be unable to use the computer. It's all such a mystery . . . how computers and cell phones will work halfway across the planet. Any thoughts on the computer?

A couple of people have sent us stuff like a set of Pimsleur Russian CDs and a Russian-English dictionary. Another AP has offered to send travel containers for formula and lots of other stuff. Jennifer M and Eileen have shared their packing lists. I really appreciate all of this. The generosity of others never ceases to amaze me . . .

Thanks for the kind words
. . . which brings me to the kind comments many of you left on my post about Hope, Meret and Annalisa. I have difficulty trying to figure out how to honor them on their anniversaries. I was very reluctant to write a post because, honestly, I feel like talking about them and writing about them "in public" makes people uncomfortable. Your comments were so kind and generous and thoughtful. I can't really express how much that means to us. It was the perfect way to honor them.

I can't thank you enough.

Hope, Meret and Annalisa

2008-06-09T13:14:00.005-05:00

Three years ago today, our daughters Meret and Annalisa were born and died. Their sister Hope was born and died 2 days earlier. I wasn't sure about writing a post about the anniversaries, but we wouldn't be on this journey if they lived.

These three hibiscus are blooming on our patio today. I was struck by this - 3 bright, beautiful flowers that bloom for such a brief time.

As we get closer to completing our adoption, I feel a sense of closure because we are getting closer to finally bringing another child into our family. But, I will always miss our girls - our three little birds.

Luggage?

2008-06-05T22:03:00.003-05:00

STATS:

Wheels:Yes
Fabric:Polycarbonate and ABS Blend
Hard or soft sided:Hard Sided

Manufacturer:Heys Usa Inc

Colors:Black, Silver

Description:
Blend of Polycarbonate and ABS mixed into the shell makes the xcase-XL extremely durable

Polycarbonate allows the shell to absorb impact by 'flexing' when under heavy stress

ABS is then added to give the shell greater rigidity so that it will not permanently deform when under pressure but instead 'pop' back up into its original shape

Push Button Mono Handle System

Chrome plated wheels

Dimensions and Weight:
30” Upright: 30” x 20” x 12”; 9.8 lbs.
26” Upright: 26” x 17” x 11”; 7.2 lbs.
20” Upright: 20” x 14” x 10”; 5. 2 lbs.

Warranty: 5 Year

The title of this post is a link to Irv's Luggage where you can purchase the set.

Thoughts? Anyone? I ordered one set of 3 in silver. Should we get an additional carry-on? Most people I have seen have taken 3 bags. Is this correct?

I am getting stuff done today! I also bought some balloons to go along with the stacking cups. All we need is a blow-up beach ball and I believe we are done with toys. Wow. How did that happen? DONE with something?

Treats for Everyone!

2008-06-03T18:00:00.016-05:00

Well, almost. No toys for the parents - just the kids. Despite a rocky couple of days (Dad is out of town & Luca is "testing boundaries" - this adds up to "rocky" to put it nicely), I took Luca to the toy store in search of a marble run and the ever-important stacking cups for "Saskia."

Run Marbles, RUN!

I set the marble run up after lunch and I think marbles have made their way down the transparent plastic tubes hundreds of times already. Luca said, "I am SO happy, Mom. Never take the marble run off of the coffee table." What have I gotten myself into now? This + throwing sticks, stones or debris to make ripples in any body of water he may find = bliss for Luca. I highly recommend this product for you and/or your child if s/he does not put small parts in his/her mouth! Hey, Kim - now that you have completely purged your house, can't you use a new toy?

Lots O' CupsAsk any PAP or AP one of the most important toys to take with them and s/he will most likely include stacking cups on their short list. We have shape sorters, stacking rings, almost every book written by Sandra Boynton and about 400 lovies that Luca never loved, but no stacking cups. So, we purchased some for Saskia today - I passed on the $19.95 set (huh? for plastic cups?) and found a more thrifty $5.95 set. I think we will also take the stacking rings, the LeapFrog Discovery ball , some Boynton titles (my favorite is The Going to Bed Book) and a few of the 400 lovies in hopes that "Saskia" will love them. Any other suggestions?

When searching for photos of stacking cups, I see that this love continues well into children's 20s. Photos of towers of cups set up by drunken college students were abundant. Who knew?

Consolation Prizes for mom
Forget the cups, a completely vacuumed house = bliss for me - truly. Think of the Beatles song "Happiness is a Warm Gun" (never got the gun part) and insert "vacuumed house." Cloud 9, I tell you, cloud 9. And, it was a hard one - you would not believe how much Luca did NOT want me to accomplish this task. But, to walk from one side of the house to another without having something stick to my bare feet is bliss.

Although I didn't get toys today, the house is somewhat clean and I spent the last 1/2 hour engaged in one of my favorite activities - ripping recipes I would like to try out of Food & Wine magazine - Gateau Basque, Crespelle with Ricotta and Marinara, or Crispy Black Bean Cakes with Sour Cream and Avocado anyone? Or better yet, how about a Thai Boxer? :)

Did I mention Scott is out of town?

Will She LIKE Us?

2008-06-01T13:35:00.007-05:00

Luca and I were at the lake this morning and I started thinking about having Saskia with us next year. It is difficult to think past the process of international adoption because it is so . . . huge and all-consuming. But, I have found myself doing this more and more. Earlier this week, I ran into another mom who had just been at an outing with her moms & kids group. I found myself thinking that I could do the group again with Saskia . . . that I should reconnect.

It's actually pretty easy to imagine life with a baby again. I can imagine Moms & Tots (UGH! But, I will save this for another post.) and diapers and bottles and interrupted sleep and baby giggles. I can also imagine that "Saskia" will like us and eventually love us. The thing that gnaws and niggles at me is will she always like us or will she like the idea of her birth family and birth country better? Will she be in love with the idea of them? Will she be angry with us because we took her away from Kazakhstan? Will nurture ultimately not matter in the face of the spectre of nature? When she is 5 will she rush into her room, slam her door and scream "I bet my REAL mother would not make me eat 3 bites of lentil soup!"

She may or may not. Knowing me, I will be worried either way. I don't think taking care of Saskia as a baby will be difficult - I do wonder about later . . . when she is aware of all that the beginning of her life was and who she is missing. What will she think?

Packing - Sort Of

2008-05-27T19:35:00.006-05:00

I got crazy a few weeks ago and bought some of the above. Let's play a little game . . . identify the "essentials" we have purchased and inherited so far.

We received the books from a student of a colleague who actually lived in Almaty for a while. The Kazakhstan connections don't end there. Another of Scott's colleagues has a friend who teaches at a university in Kazakhstan. And, finally, we have another friend who wrote a book about Kazakhstan. Coincidences? I think not.

Okay - so what have we purchased? How are we doing? Okay, stop laughing. What else do you think we need to take with us to meet our little miracle?

At Rest

2008-05-16T08:32:00.008-05:00

Dossiers
At the beginning of this school year, our family was working on putting not one, but two dossiers together - one for Kazakhstan and one for Scott's tenure. Who would have thought we would be putting together a dossier for anything. I wonder how many times I said this word the last few months . . . a word that was formerly reserved for spy movies and government reports. It is strange how a stack of papers can morph into a sweet child or job security - it is alchemy actually.

And, Then Life
Along the way, we have also taught classes and taken care of Saskia's brother. School. Luca thinks school is the nexus of the universe. Too bad we can't convince our students of that. When I was in school, I made some ridiculous assumptions about my professors - mainly that they knew EVERYTHING and they didn't have to do anything. They walked into class and their knowledge magically sprang forth. HA! I guess I still work under that assumption for myself - that I should know everything (impossible!). Teaching is hard work! I really found that out this past semester. My classes weren't filled with eager graduate students who did all the work, but with undergraduates with whom I had to struggle to spark the slighest bit of interest in the material (and work!).

Hiatus
Now, the school year is over . . . the grades are turned in and the defiant emails I received from one particular student are a distant memory. The sun is shining, the birds are singing, the flowers are blooming (they are really blooming - this has been an amazing spring) - life is good!

Congratulations!
Life is good for a lot of other people right now too! It seems like a lot of families are headed for Kazakhstan this month - Regina & Frank, Kelly & Sne and some others. Shannon is now officially full-time mom to Alexa! Suz and Matt have a little more than 2 weeks left until they return HOME with their two children. Karen and Glenn had a successful court appearance and now they are between trips. Welcome back & congratulations!

I have added a few links - one of the families (R&T) received their LOI. Michelle and Jeff made it to the MFA.

Diana & Bob finished their dossier (and what a process THAT was) and so did Ben & Suzette.

It really seems like things were stalled for a while. From what I can tell from unscientific observations (following blogs for 9+ months), people go in waves - fall, after the winter holidays (February-March), then late spring.

We are in the midst of the late spring rush :).

P.S. I read Catalina's post after I wrote this update. She is home for good with her two children as well! Congratulations to all of you!

Mothers' Miracles

2008-05-10T20:43:00.014-05:00

Miracle
Luca is an honest to goodness miracle. He was conceived years after we started trying to start a family. I can't really remember what made us start trying. Scott was still in grad school and we were in our very early 30s living in a 5 room apartment in St. Louis working our butts off. Maybe we were driven by some sort of internal clock or hormones. I did not think much past getting pregnant, which is such a funny thing because I am kind of obsessive about anticipating things. I always want to be prepared. Even after we got pregnant, I did not think a lot about life after our baby was born. I was focused on having a successful pregnancy (a good outcome - medical terminology I became familiar with later) - I faithfully read Sears The Pregnancy Book, but did not think to pick up The Baby Book. I could not think any further than that little embryo.

We prepared for the birth with a 10 page birth plan and a doula (who's job was to go buy me vegetable broth at the grocery store because I had a C-section and we did not need any coaching - just broth that wasn't made from anything that had a face). We had a room, a crib and a larger, safer car. But, I still did not see the baby living with us.

When he was finally born in all his 10 pound glory, I stared over at his swaddled body in the plastic crib in disbelief. There he was - this little person whose knee stuck out of my side for the past few months - finally.

Nothing could have prepared me for motherhood - for becoming the center of someone's universe. It is joyous . . . overwelming . . . amazing. I spent some time in the bathroom crying because I was so overwelmed - the nursing, the sleepless nights, the 24 hour care, wondering if I was doing the right thing, fear of losing him somehow. But, I never wanted anything different. Now, our life together as a family is easy, infinitely fulfilling. And, the bond I have with my son is indescribable.

Another Miracle

Eighteen months later, we were pregnant with triplets - TRIPLETS! Once I got over the shock and found the faith to believe that everything would be okay, everything wasn't. Hope, Meret and Annalisa were born at almost 23 weeks gestation. Their existence was a miracle - it was also unlikely that we would lose them. But, we did.

I think of them everyday. I will think of them tomorrow especially. Three years ago, I was anticipating being their mother. A month later they were gone. As another loss mom recently explained about living with neonatal loss, "It gets different, but you never get over it."

Waiting for Yet Another Miracle

So, here I am, on the eve of another Mother's Day waiting for another miracle. I still don't believe sometimes. I still wonder if we will have the opportunity to parent another child. It is so fundamental . . . an experience so many seem to take for granted, but has proven elusive to so many others.

I wish all of you a happy Mother's Day - whether you have your miracle or are still waiting. Here's to hope . . . and MIRACLES!

Wordless Wednesday

2008-05-07T13:17:00.000-05:00

(M)ighty (F)ine (A)nnouncement

2008-04-29T08:47:00.007-05:00

Are you sitting down? Well, more than likely you are because you are in front of a computer.

WE HAVE BEEN AT THE MFA SINCE MARCH 4! Can you believe it? I can't.

From what I understand, dossiers are at the MFA for a minimum of 60 days. We have almost reached the 60 day mark and didn't even know it!

I guess I better get started on that list. Next stop: Saskia - stan.

Making Contrails

2008-04-27T16:19:00.008-05:00

IN
Hey, look! Amy's back with Karina! And the Spykers were reunited with Nora. AND, the Kowalchuks returned to Canada with their son. That's three families who move to the "Home Sweet Home" list this week!

Matt and Suz are now the parents of Prince Eyeball and Princess Hairball. Karen and Glenn continue to bond with ZM.

OUT
Laura and Bob are flying out today. Shannon is headed back for her court date and so is Chris at the beginning of May.

WORKING ON OUT
Tracy and Butch received their I171H. Heidi and Terry are in translation. Marla and Joby's dossier is at the Consulate. Darlene and Dennis's dossier is at the MFA! Dan and Allison received their LOI.

Our dossier has been at the Consulate almost 70 days. Our coordinator has been on vacation. She returns tomorrow. Maybe we will hear that we moved on . . .

A Little Commentary
What a week! Pending legistation, fee increases, delays, a dossier rejected at the MOE (didn't think that was possible) . . . it is hard to remain positive! I have learned that adoptive parents are a tenacious (among many other really good things) bunch. This quote from Amy (mom of Karina) says it all, "Being a parent is just as hard as I imagined it would be but the neat thing is that it is even more wonderful than I ever imagined it would be."

I want to thank you all for the encouragement to keep going with the blog. If this were a Budweiser commercial, I would say (sheepishly), "I love you, Man." I was really frustrated that someone who I trusted with an invitation to this blog misrepresented what I wrote - to our agency, no less. I have no way of knowing exactly who it was and as time goes on, it matters less and less.

I would just ask that in the future, at the very least, make sure the information that you share is accurate. It would be even better if you contacted me with your concerns first.

P.S. I can't help but share a recipe recommendation. I made this this weekend and was reminded of how absoultely fantastic the recipe is. And, it is far from the tasteless, goopy Pasta Primavera I suffered through at many restaurants because it was the only vegetarian option. This is creamy, citrusy and herbal with some heat. This pasta shouts SPRING with peas, asparagus and morels (but, if you don't have morels, substitute any sauteed mushroom). It is a weekend dish - a little extra work, but well worth it.

17,000 Is the Magic Number

2008-04-24T17:46:00.008-05:00

Speaking to your child is clearly beneficial. But, a device to count and analyze the words is a little over the top (notice there is even special clothing). I would feel a little like robot mommy and would probably take it hard if I didn't make the quota :). And what if the device deemed the types of words I used unacceptable? The LENA system is $399 (regularly priced at $699!)! And, the overalls with the special pocket are pricey at $32+ a pair. What do you think?

Communication Breakdown

2008-04-23T19:52:00.009-05:00

Wow! What a week. Is it only Wednesday?

Have you ever felt like you have had challenge after challenge? It seems like it is one thing after another and that it all comes via email.

On top of all of the uncertainty in the world of adoption, I was reprimanded by my agency for including information on our blog that I didn't actually include. Apparently, one of my dear readers told his or her coordinator that I disclosed information that may have adversely affected another family's adoption process.

The thing is - I didn't actually disclose the information. Heck. I don't even write where people are going (with the exception of Karen & Glenn who, as you can see, identified their destination in the comments section).

You know the posts I have been trying to do once a week that summarize where people are in the process? I loved looking at Suz's summaries before she left. I wasn't kidding when I wrote that this process is not like a rollercoaster, but like living in a dark closet for months on end. Checking on other people, blogging, is like that little crack of light under the door. I like writing these summaries. I like feeling like I am doing something positive while we wait.

But, now someone reading this has told his or her coordinator that I am writing things that I shouldn't be.

So, I don't know. No more weekly reports? No more blog? Do I limit readership even further?I'm not sure what to do. What would you do?

(Semi) Wordless Wednesday

2008-04-23T13:56:00.003-05:00

Spring just keeps getting better and better.

Dreaming of Suitcases

2008-04-16T19:55:00.012-05:00

Burn the Suitcase
Karen & Bob are back home with their new son Garrett. Their return, not unlike their departure, was a challenge, but they are home safe and sound.

Getting closer!
Suz and Matt have completed their bonding with their two kids. They have court dates next week! I am amazed how well suited they are for one another. It is so inspiring to read about their daily adventures. Catalina's and Calin's 15 day waiting period is over. They will be back to pick up their kids in a matter of weeks! Shannon has a court date and Amy is in Almaty with Karina (they are scheduled to return next week)

Almost there (give 'em that big suitcase)
Karen and Glenn are leaving today and will join Suz & Matt in Ust. Karen has finally set up a blog! Now we can return the favor of all the comments she has shared with all of us. Laura and Bob have also received their LOI. They are expected in Kazakhstan by the end of the month. Also, Sherry and her family are leaving today. She is writing about her experience on Moms Miami. Sherry has also just published a children's book called Because You Are My Baby.

Working Towards the Big Suitcase
I added links to Tracy & Butch (working on paperwork) and Jamie & Catherine (waiting for LOI).

No news on our dossier. We did receive an "after you submit your dossier" letter from our agency this week that stated dossiers are typically at the Consulate for 60 days. We hit the 60 day mark, so maybe it will make it to the MFA soon. I have to admit that I had a serious case of the doubts yesterday. I was focused on the fact that we have the word "healthy" in our home study. It seems that is an issue for some. There are agencies that have instructed clients to remove this word from their home studies. We have not been instructed to do so. Have I told you that I hate the dark closet that the process of international adoption is? I really feel like we are groping in the dark. But, I guess I should stop groping!

Earthquake?!
We had an 5.2 EARTHQUAKE here last night! We are close to the New Madrid fault. The shaking house woke me up. Before I could get up to check on Luca, he came into our room and asked what the noise was. And, I said, "We must have had an earthquake" like it was a common occurrence.

Is Illinois the new California? Ha!

P.S. Check out the Bilbro's blog again this week. They have been matched for a domestic adoption! Congratulations!

Comings & Goings

2008-04-11T14:32:00.006-05:00

Waiting patiently
We have not heard anything about our dossier moving out of the Consulate this week. The Consul was supposed to return from a vacation on 4/7. I did hear from another WPA client that their dossier and a few others should have been released this week (thanks, Kari!). I have been meaning to check the dates on our documents to anticipate any new we might need.

Comings
Suz and Matt continue to bond with Eyeball & Hairball. It sounds like things are going really well with the kids. They are so sweet and I am amazed how quickly they are picking up English. Childrens' minds never cease to amaze me. Amy is headed to Ust to pick up Karina! I can't wait to see them together and home for good. Karen and Bob are in Almaty finishing things up and getting ready to bring their son Garrett home after 50+ days in Kazakhstan.

New Faces
I added a link to the Morningstars blog. They are also with WPA and just finished their dossier. I also added Sheila and Chris - I am not sure how I came across them, but I love the song that they have on their blog. I may have to copy. They are working on their paperwork.

Almost done wading through the paper
Heidi and Terry finished their paperwork, but need to get a few new documents. So close!

Decisions, decisions!
A few weeks ago Sam switched from Kazakhstan to Ethiopia. She is flying through her paperwork! Jeremy and Amanda have also switched - they are exploring domestic adoption.

Goings!
It looks like Frank and Regina will be traveling in 3-4 weeks! Congratulations, guys! It has to feel so great (and crazy) to be close to travel! Eileen and Pat will also travel to meet their little girl next month! Mary found out her dossier is at the MOE! She is on the last leg of the wait. Also, check out what her nephew Luke told her - very sweet. Laura and Bob are waiting for their LOI. Their blog is going private, so let them know if you want an invitation. Chris and Trish have been given the go ahead to apply for their VISAs for Kazakhstan. They are slated to travel in May as well.

Reunited
Check out Gretchen and Chris's blog. There are photos of a reunion of families who adopted from Kazakhstan last summer. I get teary seeing all of those kids! They look so darned happy . . . and seeing them makes me long for Saskia even more.

If you haven't already, check out Two Hearts for Hope to see how you can support orphans in Kazakhstan.

Hope and a Big Carrot

2008-04-09T18:01:00.009-05:00

The Big Carrot
Luca is in Pre-K and he has homework. Amazing - huh? I would characterize it as "fun" homework. Once a week, we read a book together and then he draws a picture that is supposed to be inspired by the book. There is also a vocabulary list and suggested activities to go along with the particular book.

Last year, at the ripe age of 3 he wanted to draw planets and moons. It didn't matter what the story was - it was planets and moons. His teacher (with whom we have since parted ways) told us that he needed to draw something that had to do with the book. So, homework night became, well, not so fun as we forced him to draw something from the book. What happened to art as self-expression? This year, we were back to planets and it was okay with the new and improved teacher (the nice teacher we love).

About a month ago, he started to draw the whole entire story. He would tell me the story verbatim as he drew each scene in the same box on one sheet of paper. Of course, his final picture looked like one big blob of scribbles. But, something really cool happened last week. He drew one part of the story, clear as day!

And he did it again today! This

is his representation of this:

Of course, there are moons and planets on the other side! I have learned that parenting is about compromise.

Hope
The book this week is The Carrot Seed by Ruth Krauss and Crockett Johnson (I highly recommend anything by Crockett Johnson, by the way). It is such a sweet, simple book about hope that really resonated with me.

A boy plants a carrot seed. His mom says it probably won't grow. His dad says it probably won't grow. His brother says it WON'T grow. And, it doesn't grow right away. But, he weeds and waters and waters and weeds and, amazingly, he grows one huge carrot.

It is a metaphor for almost anything really - persevere and what you work for will happen . . . in its own good time.

Tragic Story

2008-04-06T18:33:00.012-05:00

I have seen reference to a story of a child adopted from Russia whose parents are suspected of killing him. Catalina's judge asked about it during their court appearance. I saw a post on our agency's list serve from a family who have been asked to postpone travel because the prosecutor in the region has learned of the story. Now, there are issues in regards to scheduling court hearings.

Such incidents in the United States and Canada occur in one of every 15,000 adoption cases from Russia. Of course, there should not be any statistics. None of these children should have ever been hurt. The deaths of these children are heartbreaking. But, I believe that 99.9% of adoptive children go to families who love and care for them. These families are required to demonstrate over and over again that they will, indeed, give a child a good home.

The Emelyantsev family is an extreme exception, but this one extreme exception may be negatively affecting the adoption process for many people at the moment. In the past several months I have only seen people who have adopted . . . who are in the process of adopting . . . who want nothing more than the opportunity to give a child a loving home. I have also seen people and agencies who not only adopt and facilitate these adoptions, but also work very hard to support the children who are left behind in the orphanages of Kazakhstan.

I would like to see these headlines as well.

The City of Big Shoulders

2008-04-06T17:26:00.003-05:00

This is my favorite nickname for Chicago - The City of Big Shoulders. It is just so fitting. Why the trivia about favorite alternative names for cities? We just returned from a weekend trip to Chicago. Scott had a conference, so Luca and I headed up to meet him there on Friday.

Chicago will always hold a special place in my heart. It was the big city to visit when I was growing up in Northern Indiana. As a teenager I headed there for concerts and other fun. One specific one I recall is The Cure at Rosemont Horizon. As a young adult, I attended The School of the Art Institute of Chicago for my masters in art history. That was probably one of the best experiences of my life. I developed an incredible passion for learning there.

I was so happy to introduce Luca to the sights of Chicago. The last time he was there, he was only 9 months old! When we arrived on Friday, we headed straight to the Adler Planetarium. He was clearly in his element bouncing around from one experience to the next. He loved the gravity well/black hole simulation and the mock Mars Rover that you could control using a computer. We had an incredibly tasty meal at Mediterra on South Dearborn. Luca demolished an entire flatbread pizza and double chocolate cookie. Scott and I had two really good sandwiches and the best french fries.

On Saturday, we had breakfast with Jason and Jenn - a couple who used to work with Scott. We have not seen them in a couple of years. It was so fun catching up with them! We still miss their presence here - there is no doubt. After breakfast, we went to the Nature Museum and The Lincoln Park Zoo with my friend Michele and her two kids. I have been friends with Michele since 4th grade when she drew an unflattering picture of me because I was a "teacher's pet." Clearly, I forgive and forget because we have been friends since then - for the better part of of our lives. It was so amazing to see Luca interact with her kids! He absolutely loved it and has been talking about Madeline and Will ever since.

Last night, Scott and I were lucky enough to have dinner out because Luca's star babysitter Kami happened to be in town as well. She offered to take care of him while we went to Zocalo for a lovely dinner. Kami is the greatest caretaker ever! I am planning an "Ode to Kami" post in the very near future.

I have to catch up on my blog stalking and write an entry about what is going on . . . do take a look at Sara and Julian's blog because they have made it back to Toronto! YEA!

Migration

2008-03-31T09:31:00.006-05:00

People are on the move!

Suz & Matt left for Kazakhstan yesterday! They have been on quite a ride. I cannot get over how many challenges that they have faced to get to Kazakhstan.

Amanda and Philip are back in Ireland with their daughter Leah. I have moved them to the "Home Sweet Home" category. I think Anne & Jim also arrived back in the states with their daughter Emma. I have not moved them to the "Home" category yet because they have not posted that they are home.

Sara & Julian (Zoe) and Kristin & her mother (Maia), should be heading back to North America soon.

So, that is four families home/almost home!

I also added Heather & Chris to the "Wait" section. Their paper baby is with our paper baby at the Consulate. Welcome!

The List - Revisited

2008-03-28T15:53:00.005-05:00

Here it is 4 p.m. and the end of naptime and still no list. Sorry Jennifer! I know you were really looking forward to this one.

And, Susan (the perpetual optimist - I LOVE that) thought the list post meant our paperwork made its way to Kazakhstan . . . can you hear me laughing ruefully? I think this motivation is more of a result of some 'worry energy' being freed up for other things - like lists and a little gardening, for example.

I am putting the list on my list of things to do this weekend.

HA HA HO HO HEE HEE

2008-03-27T21:35:00.006-05:00

Kids are a little obsessive compulsive by nature. Every time Luca starts something that he has to do over and over again at the same time everyday, I tell myself "This too will pass." And, it usually does, except for ONE thing.

I have been singing the chorus to "Gena Hyena" every night for - oh - at least 6 months.

After the bath is taken, books read and kisses exchanged, master Luca goes to bed. But, there is just one more step to the day - just one more. He turns on a kids music CD that he listens to while falling asleep. When "Gena Hyena" starts he frantically runs out of his room and drags me back in to kneel next to his bed and sing the chorus. Have I mentioned that I am not a good singer?

HO HO HA HA HEE HEE eight times practically every night for at least the last 6 months.

Then, I am promptly cast out of the room feeling a little used and unappreciated ("The song's done now"). I dream of accidently sucking the CD into the vacuum or dropping it into the abyss behind the dresser never to be seen again. I know - what kind of mother am I? But, I have been slave to "Gena Hyena" for 1/2 a year and there is no end in sight.

Is that not long enough?